G-Phoria Ads: Old People Have A Hard Time


Posted July 25, 2006 - By Mike D'Alonzo

G4 Presents G-Phoria, the awards show for the best in gaming, on August 8th at 6pm. There's still time to vote! Get to the G-Phoria website and make your voice heard!


Well, clearly old people have no reason to vote. They probably won't be alive to see the winners of the election anyway. I mean, why can't old people realize that they've outlived their usefulness? We should give them a state of their own and just let them be. What are they good for, anyway? Absolutely nothing.
I'm a proud member of both the AARP and the NAACP, and I find old people amusing and filled with the magic and wisdom of the ages. Didn't you see that one Twilight Zone where the old people played kick the can and turned into little kids? Plus, old people smell like cinnamon and dreams.
There are many important and worthwhile old people in the world today. There's Arthur's butler in Arthur. He was like a father to that irrascible billionaire. And Obi Wan Kenobi. He had a lot of The Force. What about Old Dirty Bastard? He even has "Old" in his name. (and "bastard.") 
If it wasn't for old people, who would make amusing handicrafts of popsicle sticks, google-eyes and bottlecaps? Who would knit? Who would water scraggly plants in cut-open milk cartons while waiting and waiting for either a phonecall from their children or the sweet relief that death will bring? Who would fly up in a rocket to save the world in that one movie with Clint Eastwood where the old people knew about the old computers and I missed part of it because I was getting a soda? Also, gay people shouldn't be allowed to vote.
Tags: Videogames
G-Phoria Ads: Old People Have A Hard Time


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