The Webmaster Hates The Lord Of The Black Abyss


Posted July 6, 2006 - By F M

The Webmaster Hates you is the daily Feed feature in which we respond to your email. Doesn't that sound awesome?

We hated today's emailer so much, we answered him twice.

Popculture Killa's Answer:

From: glc
Sent: Thursday, July 06, 2006 4:35 AM
To: webmaster
Subject: Pls Hlp!

i'm having truble defeating the lord of the black abyys

To: glc
Sent: Thursday, July 06, 2006 2:25 PM
From: webmaster
Subject: RE: Pls Hlp!

You and me both, bruther! Okay, here’s how you defeat the Lord of the Black Abyss. And listen up, kiddies, ‘cause I’m only gonna say this once! First you need to become a priest, which takes a long time, lots of training and bible study. Then, after you’ve completed all your holy assignments and been sworn it, you have to drink lamb’s blood so you can see shapeshifters and demons in their true form. Next, you need to go score yourself a mighty sword and dip the tip of it in holy water. Go ahead and seek out the Lord of the Black Abyss (but make sure you spell his name right or he’ll get really pissed) and exact your revenge. You’ll need to decapitate him though, so make your slice a strong one. Once you are grasping his bloody, writhing head, reach inside his skull cavity and yank out his brain. You’ll need to feast on it to truly remove his spirit and banish him from the Kingdom of Light. It can get a little messy, but I’m sure you’ll make it through.

Oh wait, were you referring to a videogame?

Sjohnson's Answer:

From: glc 
Sent: Thursday, July 06, 2006 4:35 AM
To: webmaster
Subject: Help Me. Pls.

i'm having truble defeating the lord of the black abyys

From: webmaster 
Sent: Thursday, July 06, 2006 4:35 AM
To: glc
Subject: RE: Help Me. Pls.

So you have problems with The Lord of the Black Abyss, eh? I know how you feel. He can be pretty problematic. But have you considered that The Lord of the Black Abyss might not be so bad? Maybe he's just misunderstood, and you should try to befriend him instead of defeating him.

Sure, his title is pretty scary, but Lords are born into their positions and so have no say over what they're called.

For example, here's a picture of Lord Seymour, the Lord Protector of Brockton-on-Thames:

He wears a fetching collection of necklaces, has a kind look in his eye and could easily charge top dollar for mustache rides. He's not so scary at all, right?

The Lord of Dark Abyss could get you good seats at exclusive restaraunts and free entry into the Ren Faire.

Try to love instead of hate.

The Webmaster Hates The Lord Of The Black Abyss


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