Bad Snack Reviews: Tab Energy


Posted July 6, 2006 - By Mike D'Alonzo

Today, The Feed looks at a new energy drink...Tab Energy. Now, for those of you who don't know, Tab was the original diet cola, way back in the day, so please imagine the ethic behind orignal, bad-tasting diet cola, mixed with Red Bull, and we're ready to review.

It seems like this drink is based on a berry, though no berry like this appears in nature. Think of what burned plastic grown on a tree and fermented into a berry juice, and then mixed with Taurine, might tase like. It's not pleasant, and I'm still tired, so it was bad on both fronts. Kudos for resurrecting the Tab franchise, however.

It's pretty bad, but only about a notch worse than, say, Red Bull. I mean, once you're drinking stuff that tastes like liquified kiddie vitamins, how choosey can you get? I suppose if you mixed it with Vodka, it might be okay... but then again if you mix anything with Vodka, it's okay in my book! Let's drink!

Steve Johnson
It tastes like old lady pee.

AM I CRAZY?? The Tab Energy drink kind of grew on me. It grew on me so much, I found myself sitting here sipping it through out the afternoon and building this kind of strange pent up energy, the likes of which can only nomally be found at a religious revival. Now, I'm really excited about everything in the world around me, especially typing, which is what I am currently doing. Man, do I love typing FAST!

You know what else goes fast?! Cars. Cars are awesome. I just watched me some of that Tokyo Drift movie and, althought it won't be winning any Oscars soon, I really enjoyed it. Movies are meant to be watched on a big, lit screen. Movies are about spectacle and I think lately these talky pieces of crap that Hollywood keeps feeding us have lulled us into a false sense of story. I think story is overrated. Sometimes I want to go see a movie that pops off the screen just because it's visually interesting. Tokyo Drift was that film. I don't know where all this energy is coming from, but I love it.

And I was loving it so much in fact that I ate a Clamato chip from last week and washed it down with some Tab. That probably wasn't the smartest thing ever; it didn't taste so hot. I think age really brings out the clam flavor of the Clamato chip. I digress.

In short: Tab is awesome. Life is awesome. I could talk about this stuff all day.

Hey, do you guys like movies about gladiators?

Bad Snack Reviews: Tab Energy


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