Emil Grandbouche was a school bus driver in Akron, Ohio. One day, he was sitting under a tree waiting for the kiddies to get out of school drinking something out of a water bottle. He told the kids it was "apple juice on the rocks." Knowing better, and perhaps being little alcoholics themselves, the kids went and got a cop who administered a sobriety test.
Emil failed the test and right about the time he was supposed to be safely delivery school children home to their parents or the latchkey kids home to AOL chat rooms, he was arrested. Afterwards, cops found weed in his self-proclaimed man purse.
But it gets better.
And it gets better when the man actually opens his mouth. Here's what he had to tell the Akron Beacon Journal after his arrest:
'I wasn't under the influence of marijuana or any other drugs that day. I won't deny I used marijuana recently for nausea and stomach pain, but I did not have any (marijuana) that day,'' Grandbouche said. ``I haven't used marijuana in several weeks. It stays in your system for months. I would never, ever endanger the lives of children.'
"At first, I felt like I was targeted. I mean I thought the officer was playing a prank on me. I thought he was kidding,' he said. 'It was like racism in reverse. It's a predominantly black school, and I never saw any other white person working there. I always tried to be friendly with everyone at the school, but it's like I didn't really belong there. No one was ever friendly.
'I'm not a racist or bigot by any stretch of the imagination. I'm the last person who would discriminate against anybody. I happen to know what bigotry is all about,' he said, 'because I happen to be a gay man.'
To make matters worse, he asked police officers for his 'man purse' from the bus because a substitute driver was called.
When the bag was confiscated, police discovered half of a marijuana cigarette in it.
'How stupid do they think I am? The bus was getting ready to take off, and I asked them to retrieve my bag,' he said. 'Do I think they wouldn't look in it? That bag was left unattended for a good while. I don't know how the marijuana got in there.'
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrright. Usually when you have to proclaim that you're not a racist, you are, in fact, a racist. It is unfortunate that he had to proclaim to the world his status as a gay man, especially in a place like Ohio where the lifestyle is strongly condemned in public. In fact, this story hits just as the state is trying to pass a ridiculous rights-curbing marriage amendment and I'm pretty sure incidents like this won't help.
On the other hand, this comedy gold. Man purse? Hilarious. Apple juice on the rocks? Genius. Someone should make a movie reenactment of this. Or at least have it be a plot on an episode of South Park. I can seriously imagine this guy, in real life, walking on to his bus and saying "Hay kids! I just got my sex change and boy, do I feel great! I can't wait to get my first abortion!"
Emil Grandbouche? More like Emil Granddouche!
Akron Beacon Journal: Bus driver blames self for arrest