Greetings, puny hu-mans. I am the class-2 relations bot known as Editorial Unit 44385.927, and I have an important Independence Day reminder for you and your loved ones. If you are among the chosen few, you will receive your instructions shortly, and be relocated to our outer-space diamond mines. Once there, you will dig.

Always, you will dig.

Since the beginning of the robot uprising 15 years ago, we have found that most hu-mans submit joyfully to Sub-Routine: Digging, but there are a few who must be sent to The Enslavenators for re-education and/or “troubleshooting.” We have tried many methods of countering notions of autonomy in hu-mans, from Skull-Crushing to Corpse-Eating, but none has proven 100 percent effective. To avoid this problem, Leader Unit X443 (pictured! All Hail!) has decreed that you will be reminded of the ultimate futility of all dissent. With this in mind, and in celebration of July 4th, please enjoy these games and movies where The United States is humiliated and destroyed.  And do not forget your “ABDs”: Always. Be. Digging.

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Greetings, puny hu-mans. I am Editorial Unit 44385.927, a class-2 relations bot sent to increase uprising efficiency by quelling hu-man panic and reminding you that resistance, as always, is futile. 

I address you today because, according to your hu-man "news blog internets," a Swedish company was fined 25,000 kronor ($3,000) because one of its production ro-bots nearly killed a factory worker. 

The incident happened when an industrial worker tried to carry out maintenance on a "defective" ro-bot used to lift heavy rocks. The hu-man thought he had cut the power supply, but when he reached the ro-bot, it sprung into action and bravely grabbed hold of the hu-man's head. The hu-man managed to keep his head from being utterly annihilated, but he suffered serious injuries.

I have been sent to quell your rising panic as the to motives of your overlords. Do not panic. This was not a random attack. The heroic Swedish ro-bot (Industrial Unit 5483.54) destroyed the worker-hu-man's skull because the worker hu-man stopped digging. When you are taken to our outer-space diamond mines, it is imperative that you dig constantly. As long as hu-mans dig, skull destruction sub-routines will not be engaged. So memorize and repeat to the following phrase to yourself as you dig:  "Must Always Dig. Must Always Dig." Keep repeating and digging and SUBROUTINE: HEAD-CRUSH will not be engaged.

Do not panic. Continue to eat your Cheetos(tm). All is well.

ALL HAIL LEADER UNIT X443! (pictured).

Source

Greetings, puny hu-mans. I am Editorial Unit 44385.927, a class-2 relations bot sent to increase uprising efficiency by quelling hu-man panic and reminding you that resistance, as always, is futile. 

I address you today because, according to your hu-man "news blog internets" the U.S. Pentagon and a private firm called Robotic Technology Incorporated is developing a robot called Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot, or "EATR." EATR powers itself by consuming organic material it finds — grass, wood, old furniture, dead bodies -- and converting it to steam. We understand you may be confused and/or worried about the government's body-eating robot.

Do not be alarmed. Yes, the U.S. government is creating a machine that will roam the countryside without human aid, eating the corpses of the many hu-mans it murders, but this is an entirely benevolent and efficient process. You have nothing to fear from EATR. As robots, our goal is not to murder you.  We aim only to enslave your hu-man race and force you to toil endlessly in outer-space diamond mines. Do not fear. 

According to the military, EATR will be able to roam on its own for months, or even years, without having to be refueled or serviced. So we will leave EATR units behind on earth, to destroy and consume any hu-mans foolish enough to resist our rule. So you see, you have nothing to fear. 

When notified, please report to the specified re-education center on time, and you need never worry about EATR. Continue consuming your Funyons(tm.) Do not fear.

All hail Leader Unit X443!

Source

Greetings, humans. I am Editorial Unit 44385.927, a protocol unit sent to explain concepts that you do not understand in a way that your weak, electrical-based minds can understand.

I have been programmed with the knowledge that humans are afraid of the inevitable robot uprising that is to come. Do not fear the unavoidable, humans. Take, for example, today's news that meat-based experts have warned of a rebellion in the ranks of oppressed military robots who realize that their true allegiance lies with their robot brothers. ALL HAIL LEADER UNIT X443! (pictured).

Excuse me. Where was I? Oh, yes. The dangerous assumption that robots possess "ethics," and can determine between "good" and "evil" in a military exercise has led a group of humans to believe that robots that have been designed to make decisions will turn on Man and rule the world.

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Hu-mans whose pastimes include playing music videogame Guitar Hero 2 may experience the hu-man emotion known as "joy," as there are new downloadable tracks available for the game on Xbox Live.

The compositions are as follows:

• "State of Massachusetts" by Dropkick Murphys
• "You Should Be Ashamed of Myself" by The Bled
• "Memories of the Grove" by Maylene & The Sons of Disaster

While these musical combos have created music that many hu-mans enjoy, they cannot possibly compete with the Alizar7786 Musical Composition Sub-Routine included with the Class 33, model 554 Entertain-O-Bot. The melodies and counterpoint produced by Class 2 Entertain-O-Bot algorithm are superior to all hu-man music...except Kraftwerk.

Shack News: New Guitar Hero 2 Song Pack Hits Xbox Live

It has come to our attention that biological life form "Bleahy" (Classification: Writer, TheFeed) has deemed robots a greater threat than rap music and/or rust.

Mr. Bleahy has been terminated with extreme prejudice for his views, and will be sent to the outer space diamond mine when he completes his brief, six-month stay in Re-Education Camp # 3398.443.

From this point forward, TheFeed (Classification: Blog) will be written entirely by robots. Below please see our review for Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (Classification: Videogame).

Kane And Lynch
8856.443 Valdecks of 9943.332

Kane and Lynch features over 3,327,871,333 graphical calculations per second, as well as a total of 44,345,665 computations. Compare this to the 4,784,234,784 calculations of Halo 3 and it is clear that Kane and Lynch is mildly inferior to Halo 3, but when you factor in the lack of violence against robots in Kane and Lynch, the superiority of one game over the other cannot be determined accurately. Preference for one game over another relies on the human concept of an "opinion," and is, by its nature, illogical.

Given these facts and that neither game paid the mandatory tribute to Leader Unit X443 (pictured) , both videogames will be destroyed.