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Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Beverly Hilton for Digital Hollywood! (Cue the big-band music.)

Jealous you can't be here? Don't be. Don't be deceived by the name of the online entertainment conference taking place September 25-28. Sure, the event is staged in Hollywood and all the participants are dot-commers. But that's where the bright lights and movie stars never begin. Looking for the giant ice sculptures? Sorry. What about the Humvee limos? Nope. Where's the champagne fountain? Is it hidden under the card table struggling to play the part of a press registration desk? (Card table to self: "What's my motivation?")

It's the first day of the conference, and the Attendee Safety Committee thought this would be a great time to begin construction on the trade-show floor. It wouldn't be so life-threatening if we didn't have to pass through the area, ducking and jumping over display platforms like Indiana Jones just to get to the conferences.

There's no gold in this room

Just five white men giving PowerPoint presentations. I've got to tell my editor about this! Sorry, there is no press room. One participant complained about the lack of food. "Are there any parties tonight?" wondered the famished conference-goer. Looking at his drawn face, I sympathized and told him he'd have to wait until 5 p.m. for the Looksmart-sponsored reception, with the $100 cheese plate. Hello E-trade, I'd like to place a buy order.

Why are we being treated like extras getting pushed off the set? I blame DEN, Pop.com, and Pseudo. Their failures are directly responsible for my malnourishment. Sure nobody's making money with online entertainment. But that doesn't mean we can't have fun spending the money they've got left.

Online entertainment business models

Digital Rights Management. Learn to love that phrase. It became the conference's buzzword-du-jour. Also known by its acronym, DRM (any Web term worth its salt is known by an acronym), Digital Rights Management is the process of securing your intellectual property online so that you can monetize (read: make money off) it. And the question on everyone's mind is: Can you develop a method of distribution where people will pay for content while withstanding a certain percentage of piracy? Risk analysis is a standard part of any business. But online entertainment is different. The business model is piracy.

Of course there's no risk. The chance you'll make money is zero. Still, the future's not completely bleak. Web entertainment sites have more revenue options (ways to make money) than simply online advertising. New business models are emerging. Read on for a few that caught my eye.

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