Is your relationship feeling a little stale? Does the thought of your boyfriend make you frustrated, angry and/or annoyed? It sounds like someone's in need of a makeover, and no, we're not talking about you, girls. We're talking about your man. When the world of monogamy gets too blase, this isn't something that a new shade of lipstick or splurging on a pair of Louboutins can fix. We're talking about having that change from his side of the bed, and we've got the video game solutions for you.
Between The Sheets: God of War III
Clumsy or boring in the bedroom? Fear not, women, because there's one easy way for your boo to figure out how to work the magic underneath the covers, thanks to God of War III. Sure, everyone loves that game for its insane level of gore and violence (and there is nothing wrong with gouging out a minotaur's eyeballs with its own horns) but we're all about that special moment with Aphrodite. If you want your boyfriend to spice things up in your sex life, then why not have him play Kratos as he seduces the Goddess of Love? He'll learn how to hit the right buttons, twist the joystick and tap the bumpers in the proper combinations to drive her wild in bed...even though if you think about it, he's basically having sex with his aunt, right? Wait, that's kind of gross. Whatever. If your boyfriend can manage to make Aphrodite happy, we're pretty sure he'll be able to bring the same skills to the bedroom.
It's Not Me, It's You: Final Fantasy XIII
Feel like you need a little breathing space? Sometimes guys are just as smothering as women: they get too attached and won't leave your side, whether you're at your friend's housewarming party or watching the latest episode of Glee. I mean, really. Can't a girl get a little alone time, especially when it's that time of the month? The last thing you need is some clingy guy who won't let you out of his sight. Here's the solution: hand him a copy of Final Fantasy XII. With at least 50 hours of gameplay, that means 50 more hours of you being able to run errands, splurge on that pair of Louboutins, gossip away with your friends over brunch and enjoy a grande nonfat soy latte with two extra shots of espresso, just the way you like it! Trust us, your boy won't even be able to leave the couch once he gets engrossed in the Final Fantasy world.
Let's Get Physical: EA Sports Active 2.0
Listen, it's hard enough being a girl. We go to the gym twice a day, watch our calorie intake and only indulge every other weekend after the full moon. And yet, we still don't look good enough. But leave that for your weekly therapy session because have you taken a long, good look at your boyfriend lately? If his love handles are bothering you more than your cellulite, then it's time to get physical. We suggest buying him a copy of EA Sports Active 2.0, where you can turn your living room into a virtual gym! But like, without all those gross men who like to walk around without a shirt on. Watch your boyfriend as he learns how to tone his muscle, work on his cardio and sweat his way into a better body. Yes, that man you first fell in love with is still there, just hiding underneath all those layers of fat.
Household Help: America's Test Kitchen: Let's Get Cooking
We know. It's hard being a woman. Not only are you expected to do important things like vote, work a day job and bear children, but you're also responsible for putting food on the table. What the heck! Why can't your boyfriend do some of the dirty work? Technology hasn't advanced enough for male pregnancy, but guys can help out in the kitchen--and you can brainwash them to think they're playing a video game while they're at it. Slip him America's Test Kitchen: Let's Get Cooking into his Nintendo DS and convince him that he'll unlock some cool achievement if he completes all 300 recipes. That's like almost a year's worth of meals, right?
Man Up: Red Dead Redemption
Maybe your boyfriend needs to work on his masculunity. It's okay. Everyone's allowed to cry and talk about their feelings. It just gets annoying when he's doing it all the time, and then insisting you both go see that Rachel McAdam's movie. It's time to get your significant other to man up, and a nice round of Red Dead Redemption could be the perfect solution. Sure, there's a manly campaign where you have to accomplish manly goals as a gruff outlaw in the harsh frontier, but the side quests of stabbing cougars, skinning bears and shootin' Injuns always does a body good. Just make sure they don't get too carried away and try to do this in real life, because bears and cougars are endangered, right? I know Indians totally are.
Man Up Even More: Cabela's Big Game Hunter 2010
Okay, so maybe teaching your boyfriend how to be a rustic cowboy in the old West doesn't help much in the 21st century. If you're looking for a more modern way to man him up, there's always Cabela's Big Game Hunter 2010, a game that promises to bring all the fun of outdoor wildlife shooting to your comfortable living room, thanks to their realistic hunting grounds and the shotgun peripheral. Remind your boyfriend that there's no time to cry when a giant lion in the African Serengeti is about to tear his throat out. Pull that trigger and shoot that oversized housecat! Wait, aren't they endangered? Who cares! There's only room for one king in this household.