We here at G4tv.com want you, the viewer of our fine, upstanding show, to get to know our hosts and staff as much as possible. Unlike those other cruddy shows on other networks, we go the extra mile to ensure that you get to probe every nook and cranny of the set, get to suck in every foul stench, and get up close and personal with every lunatic in the proverbial asylum.
And speaking of lovable lunatics, meet our own multi-talented writer/actor/segment producer Guy Branum, one of the many people who steers the G4tv.com ship and makes it happen, captain. But this guy ain’t no cog in the wheel! No way! Not only does he contribute much comedy and creativity to G4tv.com, but he works on a slew of other G4 shows, too.
Look, it’s a Guy Branum world and we all just live in it, but if you try real hard and wish upon a star, you too can dream a little dream. I don’t know what that means, but Guy whispered it to me one night in a bar before slumping over in his seat to the tune of “Tomorrow” by Annie. And that is rock ‘n’ roll, baby!
Where did you grow up?
Sutter, California. The prune capital of the free world.
What is your position here at G4?
I mostly behave as though I’m at a cocktail party. Technically I am a writer and segment producer, but most of my time is spent insulting members of the Attack of the Show staff and mixing drinks.
How did you find G4 and when did you come here?
I was working for a lovely company in San Francisco when, in the summer of 2004, G4 anthropologists captured my entire village and moved us down to L.A. for observation.
How did you make it over to G4tv.com?
The other show I worked on got cancelled and I had some compromising photos of Laura Foy with an intern, so I made her give me a job. I’m only capable of working on shows with foxy women named Laura on them.
I seem to see ya on every show we do. I know you through G4tv.com, but what shows do you work on or appear on?!
Funny you should ask. I was born without a sense of personal dignity, an important characteristic noticed by my friends Laura Swisher and Blair Butler up in San Francisco. They cast me in a couple of things up in San Francisco, and eventually the executives took pity on me and gave me a job. Since then, I’ve continued my tradition of true, legitimate camera-whoredom. I’ve been on X-Play, G4tv.com, Attack of the Show, Unscrewed, and, I’m most proud to say, I’ve actually appeared on one episode of Cinematech. I also write the occasional episode of X-Play when a drunk writer is sleeping one off.
Are you a writer, comic, or actor first?
I got the job from being a stand-up comic. If I had a website, I’d link to it here, but I don’t, cuz I’m lazy. I’m a comic first, a person who needs a paycheck second, and a level 50 human priest third.
What is the funniest thing you have witnessed here at G4?
The funniest person at G4 is a hard competition, but Casey Schreiner, AOTS’s Office Jesus is definitely a contender. And I am at my funniest when saying rude, insulting and vaguely sexual things to Brendan Moran, who enjoys it more than he should.
My funniest off-camera G4tv.com moment is a career achievement award shared by Laura and Tina for getting raw on each other in meetings.
The thing I’m most proud of was a sketch about cell phones I produced but wasn’t in.
The funniest piece of television ever produced in the history of the medium was a field piece Casey from AOTS and I did at a Mexican wrestling tournament. The show we produced it for got cancelled a week later, so it never aired.
Have you had any major bloopers or dopey incidents while filming a segment?
Geoff Keighley DDRing is comedy gold. It’s hard to point out bloopers, as our tapings are just generally full of mayhem and violence.
If Laura, Tina and Geoff had to square off against each other in a battle to the death, who would win?
Tina Wood in a walk. Sure, Geoff is a man, and has all the added upper body strength and everything, but he lacks the aggressive, take-no-prisoners, I-eat-babies-for-breakfast edge that the girls have. Foy has her defensive spikes and raw intensity, but she can be easily distracted by shiny things. Tina Wood, as you may or may not know, was a division one college athlete, as she takes no end of pleasure in repeating, and is a keenly honed damage-dealing machine. Plus, she’s ruthless at Halo.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Dead of something interesting. Or, if alive, running my own telemarketing/kidney sales firm in suburban Mumbai. Also, hopefully, I’ll spend less time on thotbot by then.
What are your favorite movies?
The Party Girl, Dune, Philadelphia Story, Blazing Saddles, X2, Metropolitan.
What are your favorite video games?
WoW, SSX3, Alpha Centauri, Civ, and Harvest Moon. I also enjoy antagonizing people in web forums, and anything where I get to build a city or guide a civilization and generally micro-manage things. I like boring games.
What are your favorite TV shows?
NewsRadio, Arrested Development, Entourage, West Wing re-runs, and The Dick Van Dyke Show
Who are your favorite bands?
I have horrible taste in music. I really like Gilbert & Sullivan, Beyonce, and bad dance music, generally. Also, Dixie Chicks, Johnny Cash and Dolly Parton.
Video games have come so far and are so advanced now, where can they go from here?
I think they may go digital.
What video game character would you be if you could and why?
A level 60 human priest. Cuz I could raise the dead and kick ass, if I were spec'ed correctly.
Who would you want to play you in a movie version of your life?
Angela Bassett.
Best recent trend in video games?
Lawyer games!
Worst recent trend in video games?
Boring, boring, boring FPSs.
Atari, Colecovision or Intellivision?
Intellivision. “B… 17… Bomb… Er…” That’s good times.
Got anything ya wanna plug?
I don’t have a site, but my best friend does: www.lauraswisher.com. If you’re in L.A., go see her do stand-up some time, then ask her where you can see me.
