Galaxina (1980): Intended as a parody of every science fiction property from Star Trek to Star Wars, Galaxina is instead renowned for being the one “big” movie made by Playboy Playmate Dorothy Stratten, who was later murdered. It’s hard to tell whether Stratten was really destined for greatness based on this, um, epic, but she does what she can with her role as a sexy cyborg that falls for a space hunk. But that’s not the plot of the movie, which is actually about retrieving something called the “Blue Star,” though we’re never really sure what that is. Oh, and comedian Avery Schreiber plays Captain Butt. Yes! Captain Butt! Har!
Flash Gordon (1980): “FLASH! Oooh-wa! Savior of the universe!” And it was with those immortal lyrics that Queen reintroduced 1920s comic-strip hero Flash Gordon to the Star Wars generation. Why Queen? Oh, what the heck—why not! That seems to have been the guiding philosophy behind this Dino De Laurentiis production that overflows with a volatile mix of good and bad ideas. On the one hand, the sets, costumes, and special effects have a wonderful retro-deco feel just like the original Universal serials from the 1930s; on the other hand, the character of Flash was rewritten into a football player/lummox who spouts “hip” 1980s slang. Likewise, Max von Sydow is an utterly perfect Emperor Ming, oozing campy menace; but Sam J. Jones could not be worse as Flash Gordon, completely void of any charisma or wit. Nevertheless, Flash Gordon still retains some goofy charm despite its many cringe-worthy moments.
The Ice Pirates (1984): Space pirates, an evil empire, a brave princess, a wacky robot… yep, that’s pretty much all you need to make a space opera. Or at least that was the thinking behind this attempted comedy adventure. Robert Urich (Vega$) starred as a dashing yet shady captain of a pirate ship who’s not named Han Solo but who does come to the aid of a princess trying to thwart the all-powerful Templars, who control the galaxy’s water supply. The Ice Pirates is truly a crap-tastic odyssey, directed by the great auteur behind such rip-off classics as Mac and Me (E.T) and Tammy and the T-Rex (Jurassic Park), Stewart Raffill. It does have its amusing moments, however, and it features a frighteningly thong-clad Anjelica Huston—who would win the Best Supporting Actress Oscar just two years later for Prizzi’s Honor. Why the Academy overlooked her portrayal of the warrior Maida remains a mystery.
But wait! That’s not all! There are even more delightful rip-offs to marvel over:
Message From Space (1978): Although there are several foreign Star Wars rip-offs (there are a couple listed in this article by Chris Gore), this Japanese version is singularly bizarre. Vic Morrow plays a hardened space commando while Sonny Chiba is a young prince; they fly cardboard spaceships and save the galaxy. I think.
Star Crash (1979): David Hasselhoff battles the evil Count Zarth Arn to free the galaxy. No, really! Read Frank Meyer’s loving tribute for more.
Krull (1983): What the heck is a “Krull?” Who knows? Is this science fiction or fantasy? Search me. But it’s got this weird shuriken-looking weapon thingy, and a guy in a bad Cyclops costume. Plus, Liam Neeson!
