What one thing should everyone know about sex?
That there's no one alive who can tell you what to do that will please every
woman because, like the proverbial snowflake, we're all different. What's
going to send one person over the edge is going to leave the next one cold.
So rather than listening to people who want to show you tricks and tips and
techniques so you can be a sexual Superman, you should just get comfort-
able with your sexuality, figure out what you like and try to be yourself in
bed. Unless, of course, I decide I want to write a book on this topic, in which
case you need to buy 100 copies and give them to all your friends.
Are you into games at all?
You had to do this to me, didn't you? I've had a good
run on G4 and you had to go and ask the question
that would alienate me from both my bosses and
viewers. Look, I was into games; I fought with
the other kids for the Pac Man machine at the
pizza parlor. But I never took it to the next level.
Wait, that's not true I played Guitar Hero at a party last year and was so bad, everyone left the room in horror. Oh, while I'm at it, I should probably point out that when I guest hosted the show with Chris Hardwick, I pronounced "anime" Annie-May. Should I just submit my resignation now?
Tell us the biggest myth about bagging a sexy woman
That it takes work. If she's feeling you, there's virtually nothing you can say to screw
it up. Also: that sexy women want to get with quote-unquote sexy or stereotypically
handsome guys. It's intimidating being with a guy with no body fat. Plus,
no woman wants to be with someone who's prettier than her.
Do you read Playboy for the articles?
Playboy has something besides articles? Kidding. Look, it's
a legendary magazine that's carried the work of some of the
greatest minds of all time -- Nabokov and Norman Mailer
anyone? But try convincing my family of that. The first time I
wrote a piece for the magazine and they shot photos of me
for it, I think my mother considered legally changing her
name so no one could ever associate her with me. She kept
calling it a "girlie" magazine. Of course, even though I'd
strictly forbidden everyone in my immediate family from
buying -- or even glancing at -- that issue, she ended up
sending my step dad out to be her "reader." And he told her
that she could, indeed, leave the house again: that my
writing was good and the photos were "tasteful."
Which city is sexier, New York or Los Angeles?
They both have their sexy elements. New York is sexy to me because it's not that
easy to survive here: it's expensive and you've got to battle the elements and be
independent and motivated as hell to make it. And those are sexy qualities in a
person. L.A. is more stereotypically sexy but it's not really a style of sexy that I
appreciate. If I was going to kiss a girl, it's not going to be one of the gals from "The
Girls Next Door," you know what I'm saying?
Is there a sex expert exam, and, if so, how does one
study for it?
Yes, there is an exam, but you won't hear about it unless you happen to be so
good in the sack that a recruiter scouts you out to let you know you qualify to
take it. Actually, although there isn't a test and anyone who feels like it can
declare him or herself a sex expert, I'm actually in the process of earning
something called an Associate in Sex Education Certificate. And I've joined
AASECT, which is the American Association of Sexuality Educators
Counselors and Therapists. And you thought I'd only have a jokey answer,
didn't you? Take that, question asker!