The trailer for Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, has made its decapitating debut.
The film is a reimagination of the ubiquitous 1812 Grimm fairy tale that was meant to scare German children from wandering from their log cabins. Now, it will be used to scare those broom-riding, baby-baking-bitches from doing anything ever.
Starring Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton as the titular sibling duo, they've gone from leaving trails of breadcrumbs in the woods to slaying evil witches and burning them with wood until all that's left resembles breadcrumbs.
Check out the trailer below, which hits you with an automatic crossbow of ass-kicking.
With a level of historical authenticy similar to other recent action films with pseudo-steampunk sensibilities like Van Helsing, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and (appropriately enough,) The Brothers Grimm, this trailer is a one-stop cavalcade of modern action film conventions filled with giant eye-beating battles, slow-motion walk-aways from explosions, and, of course, even some Matrix arches.
They survived the traumatic childhood experience of getting kidnapped and nearly cooked by a witch. Much like Batman, they were not about to let that chip just fly off their shoulders. That's bad news for witches everywhere.
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters kills high-speed witches in the woods with stolen Ewok tactics on January 11, 2013.