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Missing One Badass Tortoise

Baxter
Posted July 20, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Missing One Badass Tortoise

I'm not sure that threatening to poke people in the eyes and burning down their houses is an effective reward incentive for finding this lost (and apparently chill,) pet tortoise.

Besides, if this tortoise is everything the owner has built it up to be, then it will eventually hot-wire a car, lead police on a high-speed chase on the highway, lose them, and make its own way home in time for his nightly regimen of Colt 45 and raspberries.

[Source]

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