Yesterday, we found out that the long-rumored Doctor Who movie is closer to reality, and that Harry Potter director David Yates is attached to make it happen. We also learned that current and former doctors like David Tennant and Matt Smith are out of the running for the role, which means there will be a worldwide search to see who will occupy the TARDIS on the big screen. Since AOTB is so helpful when it comes to pop culture decision making, we thought we'd take a crack at some ideas for who should play Doctor Who.
Daniel Radcliffe - He's British, he's worked with Yates, and he suddenly finds himself with a lot of time on his hands. What better transition for the former Boy Who Lived than to become the last of the time lords? Besides, how's he going to maintain the lifestyle to which he's become accustomed since he was a ten year-old without his annual $10MM paycheck? Kid's going to be occupying something soon...why not the TARDIS?
Eddie Murphy - What? Doctor Who is funny! Besides, adding a name that Americans recognize to the project will help the box office. Eddie's back, baby! And he's looking for a franchise that doesn't involve him dressing in fat suits. Or maybe he's not, which means that perhaps the Doctor is attacked by an alien race that clones him and adds weight and puts all of the clones around a dinner table and makes them fart. Who could possibly be better if that's the script?
Harrison Ford - Cranky white American doctor! What could possibly be more fun? I'll tell you this. He might be dour and drip unhappiness the entire time he's on the screen, but who would you rather see defend the universe and the concept of time against any one of a myriad of baddies that might be waiting anywhere at any time? Han Motherf***in' Solo, that's who.
Jack Black - Desperately in need of a career Renaissance, Jables would be the most fun Doctor ever. Think of it...him doing that Davy Jones/Axl Rose shuffle business while trying to maneuver through space and time? Making fat jokes about himself the entire time? You put Will Ferrell as the voice of the head Dalek, and you've got a film that American audiences will impale themselves on stakes with excitement waiting to see. Trust me on this one.
Helen Mirren - Now, I'm actually semi-serious with this one. After 11 incarnations, the Doctor should finally be a female, since we know from the BBC show that there's no reason that there can't be a female time lord. Think of it. She's sexy, she's an amazing actor, and she's British, so she doesn't have to learn the accent, unlike, say, Gwynneth Paltrow. Also, Ms. Mirren would be the perfect crossover to make the movie appealing to both American and British audiences.
Me - Because why the hell not? I'm a pretty good actor, and I could use the money. Plus, I have the benefit of being unknown, so no one will look at me and say, "Oh, he's not the Doctor, he played that guy in that thing that time." And I look really good in scarves, or fezzes, or whatever they'll want to put me in to differentiate me from the other doctors. Come on, Mr. Yates. It's not too late.