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Recipes From the GWAR-B-Q!

Posted October 4, 2011 - By Mike D'Alonzo

As you saw on AOTS, Candace Bailey spent a little time with the immortal demon metal band GWAR at their GWAR-B-Q not too long ago on the East Coast, but what did they cook? Luckily, we were able to unearth a little of the GWAR-B-Q cook book, to get some dirt on the horrible, horrible members of the band, as well as the stuff they made.

It all looks so delicious, we can't wait to get our hands on this food!

Recipes From the GWAR-B-Q!


Beefcake the Mighty
Instrument: Bass
Born: Always
Died: Yes
Favorite Food Network Show: Sweet Genius
Quote: "I am a sexual god."




Beefcake the Mighty's Beef Ribs


    2 pounds country style beef ribs
    4 cups chicken broth
    1/8 cup teriyaki sauce
    1 1/2 tablespoons garlic powder
    1 tablespoon onion powder
    salt and pepper to taste
    1 gallon bull semen


Place the ribs in a roasting pan. Mix together the chicken broth, teriyaki sauce, garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper. Pour over the ribs. Cover, and marinate for 1/2 hour.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Cover the roasting pan with aluminum foil.

Roast in the oven for about 2 hours, or until the meat is so tender that it comes off of the bone easily. Check occasionally to make sure the juices do not boil over into the oven, and remove some of the broth if necessary.

Douse the entire thing with the bull semen using a high-pressure fire hose. Season to taste.

Recipes From the GWAR-B-Q!



Jizmak Da Gusha
Instrument: Drums
From: Unda
Favorite Food Network Show: HeatSeekers
Secret Crush: Sammi Sweetheart



Jizmak Da Gusha's Country Lemonade

Prep time: 10 minutes


    1 cup sugar (can reduce to 3/4 cup)
    1 cup water (for the simple syrup)
    1 cup lemon juice
    3 to 4 cups cold water (to dilute)
    1 cup dog piss   


Make simple syrup by heating the sugar and water in a small saucepan until the sugar is dissolved completely.

While the sugar is dissolving, use a juicer to extract the juice from 4 to 6 lemons, enough for one cup of juice.

Add the juice and the sugar water to a pitcher. Add 3 to 4 cups of cold water, more or less to the desired strength. Refrigerate 30 to 40 minutes. If the lemonade is a little sweet for your taste, add a little more straight lemon juice to it.

Serve with ice, sliced lemons.

Discard, drink dog piss instead.

Recipes From the GWAR-B-Q!



Balsac the Jaws of Death
Instrument: Loud Guitar
Height: 6'66"
Girth: Massive
You'd Be Surprised To Know: Loves badminton



Balsac's Creamy Cucumber Salad


    5 cucumbers, peeled and thinly sliced
    1 red onion, thinly sliced
    3/4 cup creamy salad dressing
    salt and pepper to taste


In a large bowl, combine the cucumbers, onion, salad dressing and salt and pepper. Mix together and serve. Kill everyone and eat them, too.

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