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Robocop Statue Rumors: Monumental Fail

Posted February 11, 2011 - By Jacklin Maisyan

Mayor Dave Bing took to his Twitter account to subdue rumors of a Robocop statue being erected in Detroit. And you know what? We totally agree with his opposition. A Robocop statue would be absurd. There are so many icons that deserve a monument before Robocop does, including:

1. Tom Selleck’s mustache

Robocop Statue Rumors: Monumental Fail

Tom Selleck’s glorious mustache, born and raised in Detroit, has become an international symbol of splendor and potency. It has garnered worldwide fame and prestige, and dated more models and actresses than you’ll ever know. Selleck’s mustache even won an Emmy for its performance in Magnum P.I.

2. Iggy Pop

Robocop Statue Rumors: Monumental Fail

So acclaimed, the Super Mario Bros. series named a Koopa after this Detroit native. Grand Theft Auto IV featured a DJ version of him and TV shows consistently reference his unique name and music. What we're trying to say is, even entirely fictional worlds don’t function without that monsoon-of-a-man Iggy Pop.

3. The entire genre of techno music

See, this one would be a tad difficult to construct, but it just so happens that Detroit is the birthplace of techno music. Many of today’s most popular musicians and DJs were inspired by this Detroit-based genre. How many of today’s cops are influenced by Robocop? It’s got to be one, maybe two tops. Besides, words can’t explain the epic that is Detroit Grand Pubah’s “Sandwiches,” but maybe a 300-foot monument can?

Don’t get us wrong, we’ve got nothing against Robocop. He just needs to get in line behind all of the epics that came before him, you know? After all, if $50,000 is going to be spent on anything in Detroit, it’s not going to be the schools, hospitals or infrastructure. And it sure as hell isn’t going to be on Robocop. Detroit has other priorities: Remember the mustache. Remember the Iggy. And remember the Techno.

Comments are Closed

  • theLola

    I imagine a 20 foot mustache statue that constantly plays techno remixes of Iggy Pop songs.

    ...Robocop can cut the ribbon at the unveiling ceremony.

    Posted: February 12, 2011 12:32 PM