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Crack The Spine: The Top 5 Female Comic Book Characters You Should Never Date

Posted February 11, 2011 - By Eugene Morton

Wouldn't it be great to date a comic book hottie, to finally be able to go out with a flesh and blood version of the ink and paper super babes you've been pining over since your adolescent years? Sure it would, unless you picked the wrong one. Not every babe in a cape and cowl would make a good girlfriend. Quite the contrary. Some of them would make outright rotten love interests. In honor of Valentine's Day, a day dedicated to true love and romantic union, we've come up with a list of the top five female comic book characters you should never date (presuming you got the chance through some miracle of science or more likely, the bestowal of a magical ring or other mystical artifact).
Crack The Spine: The Top 5 Female Comic Book Characters You Should Never Date
Power Girl
This buxom super heroine is every nerd's dream, but for all practical purposes she'll have to remain just that. Being Superman's cousin, Power Girl's essentially the busty, female equivalent of the Man of Steel. So, unless you've got the stamina of The Flash and the muscle mass of a juiced up Bane (or a bed sprinkled with flakes of Kryptonite), there's no hope of satisfying her in the sack or even surviving a sexual encounter without ending up in a hospital bed. It really makes you wonder how Lois Lane continues to have nuptials with Clark Kent.


Crack The Spine: The Top 5 Female Comic Book Characters You Should Never DateEmma Frost
The last thing you want in a healthy relationship is a controlling partner. As such, the one time White Queen of the Hellfire Club turned X-Man, Emma Frost is high up on the no-date list. The sultry telepath has a lengthy track record of using her mutant powers to manipulate or literally control her enemies, allies and even lovers. Furthermore, if you're the jealous type, you'd eventually tire of seeing Ms. Frost parade around in attire that would make a fem dom blush.



Crack The Spine: The Top 5 Female Comic Book Characters You Should Never DateBomb Queen
She's great for a one night stand, but this libidinous magister of the explosive arts has a very fragile psyche and an incredible temper. What she lacks in clothing she makes up for in pure, psychotic rage. The moment you made her unhappy, she'd blow you to pieces, and not in a way you're hoping.




Crack The Spine: The Top 5 Female Comic Book Characters You Should Never DateGwen Stacy
Gwendolyn Stacy might look like the sweet, all-American girl next door, but looks can be quite deceiving. After all, the girl next door wouldn't cheat on you with your best friend's dad. sleep with your super villain arch nemesis, and secretly give birth to children that grow up and try to kill you, would she? True believers, don't fall for those warm, blue eyes, golden locks and that cute smile. She's a liar and a cheat!



Crack The Spine: The Top 5 Female Comic Book Characters You Should Never DateBlack Widow (Ultimate Marvel Universe)
The second Black Widow in the Ultimate Marvel Universe, Monica Chang is sexy, exciting, and way too good for you. The chances of you getting a date with her are as good as the odds of developing super powers after being hit with a blast of gamma radiation. Still, on the off chance she did acquiesce to date you, it wouldn't last long. If you've never done something cool, like fought off a Skrull invasion, defeated the forces of Doctor Doom or spent your free time vacationing in Valhalla, she'd get bored of you pretty quickly.

Also, remember that she used to be married to S.H.I.E.L.D. head honcho, Nick Fury. There's no way you could live up to a man who captains his own Helicarrier and has saved the world from total destruction on multiple occasions. Tough luck.


Comments are Closed

  • mbros45

    bomb queen is proabably the only girl you should date out of the 5 girls you should not date because the bright side is you sleep with her, and you make yourself her bitch there shouldnt be any death

    Posted: February 12, 2011 10:34 PM
  • Lunchbo

    I think i could handle power girl and if i did die (well he came and went at the same time)

    Posted: February 12, 2011 8:30 PM
  • ErikwaK

    I'd still date Power Girl......What a way to go !!!!

    Posted: February 12, 2011 7:41 PM
  • The Emperor's Champion

    I'd date Ramona and Power Girl.

    Posted: February 12, 2011 7:26 PM
  • I'mUberPwnage

    Ramona Flowers? Am I the only one who thinks dating her would be exhausting? I mean I can't fight, granted I never been in one, let alone 7 deadly ex's.

    Posted: February 12, 2011 5:25 PM
  • dalekbigboy

    What about 'Death"? I'd never go out on a date where I might not get any and it would be my last one.

    Posted: February 12, 2011 5:15 PM
  • nickhop_14

    These are pretty interesting reasons, but most could be rebutted. Seriously though where's Rogue?

    Posted: February 12, 2011 5:10 PM
  • jfjohnson

    Tank Girl!

    Posted: February 12, 2011 4:39 PM
  • toobigtofail

    i do not care what anyone says i would still date Emma Frost as long as she treat me good she can do what ever she wants.

    and the Power Girl is probably a gentle and generous lover i mean people generally tend to be the opposite of themselves in the sack. powerful ceo's generally like to be dominated. i would guess that the rough and tough power girl likes to be caressed and touched with tenderness and caring rather than taken by force in wild rough passion. thats just a theory though.

    Posted: February 12, 2011 4:25 PM
  • dakota_kyker

    I dont care what anyone says. I'd still date Powere girl!

    Posted: February 12, 2011 4:23 PM
  • karl the flick fanatic

    You need to bump Gwen out and put in Electra, the comic version not the crappy Jen Garner version! One wrong move on a date and she would end you!

    Posted: February 12, 2011 4:16 PM