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Top Five Trolls in American History

Posted January 20, 2011 - By Moye Ishimoto

Today on Around the Net, we declared a War on Suck against the most pointless news report ever: Internet trolling. Where have these people been? In celebration of this battle against a we-can't-believe-this-is-a-headline topic, we thought we'd run down some of our favorite trolls in the history of mankind.

Top Five Trolls in American History

5. The Troll from Three Billy Goats Gruff

The story of Three Billy Goats Gruff represents the quintessential fairy tale: for one thing, there are talking goats. But with three different animals trying to outsmart a hungry villain, we learn the moral about greed and wit, where size and power can overcome even the scariest monster. Wait, that's the lesson, right? I don't know, I never really paid attention to this stuff. Though this troll found a grisly end inside the big billy goat's belly, he represents what all trolls strive to be: fearful, hungry and ugly.

Top Five Trolls in American History

4. Cave Trolls from Lord of the Rings
If you thought trolls were just grumpy short things who lived under a bridge, then think again. Cave trolls from Tolkien's Lord of the Rings are frightful and ugly. Remember when Frodo had to fight one in The Fellowship of the Ring? Yuck. Actually, I always thought this monster was more like the Rancor in Return of the Jedi but whatever Tolkien says is what we go by.

Top Five Trolls in American History

3. Troll Dolls
As a child of the nineties, I have fond memories of these collectible trolls with crazy, furry hair. Yes, I realize now how ridicously ugly they are, but at the time, troll dolls were the most amazing things ever. Apparently they were first created in 1959 in Europe and are now considered part of the Century of Toys list to commemmorate the most creative toys of the 20th century. Now I feel old. Off to rub my troll doll belly for luck!

Top Five Trolls in American History

2. That Troll from that movie Troll
Remember that really scary movie called Troll that was about a really scary troll? I have this film to blame for my overall dislike of trolls (unless they're made of plastic and have crazy colorful hair), as it represents the worst and ugliest that the troll world has to offer--especially when it involves young children battling an evil troll who can transform humans into monsters. Not cool. Yet because of this movie, trolls moved from the fantasy realm into the horror genre, where they can be seen as nefarious creatures full of malicious intent.

1. "Where Da Gold At" Leprechaun Troll
Do leprechauns count as trolls? We think so...kind of. They're both short, squat, have weird faces and do magical things like hide gold in a tree. You can't have an Internet viral video without talking about this 21st century famous leprechaun with his very own theme song. Where the gold at, yo!

Tags: Comedy

Comments are Closed

  • darklighter1

    This list SUCKED!

    Posted: January 23, 2011 9:57 PM
  • sanguro

    leprechauns are fairies not trolls

    Posted: January 21, 2011 10:29 AM