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In Your Pantaloons 01.05.10

Posted January 5, 2010 - By Eugene Morton

In Your Pantaloons 01.05.10Put the revelry and wild antics of the new year behind you and focus your mind and your will upon attaining the sober vigilance which can only be achieved once you have mastered the powers that rule thee In Your Pantaloons.

In my workshop at home, I've got posters of a couple bikini models up on the walls. My wife hates them and wants me to take them down, but I say, "no way." First, it's my manly sanctuary and what goes on in there is none of her business. Second, it's not like I'm actually cheating with one of those models. We've been fighting about this for weeks. How do I get her to shut up?

She shall not be silent so long as the images that doth offend remain enshrined in your holy of holies. Never the less, sir, tis' for thine own good and the sake of thy morals and thy marriage that ye take down the lust-inducing scrolls that are as thin and shallow as the strumpets printed thereon.

My wife is three months pregnant and I recently cheated on her with her sister who is now also pregnant. What the hell am I going to do? Please, help me get out of this!

Better to have lived in Sodom or Gomorrah during their downfall than to be you now. Thou art hopeless.

I'm planning on proposing to my girlfriend of four years and I'm starting to get cold feet. I know things will change once we tie the knot and I'm scared. In your experience, what's marriage really like?

There are many splendrous moments of bliss, but for the most part, it's like taking upon yourself the yoke of hard bondage and enduring the lash... only not as pleasant.

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