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Gene Unyons' Weekly Movie Reviews

Posted February 19, 2009 - By Gene Unyons

Hello again, everyone! If it's Thursday, it must be Gene, right? Right! That's why I'm here once again to give you the heads-up on the movies coming out this coming weekend, though I can tell you for sure that I will never see any of them. Over the long weekend, I made an advent calendar out of the presidents, and I've been spending my days opening and closing John Tyler's door, just to see his face. I feel a certain kinship to him, as he died of eating cherries and drinking milk too quickly, and had a heart attack for his trouble. I love cherries!

On to the reviews!

Fired Up! - I don't know what these people are all fired up about, but it's not good to get so excited about things. Why not learn to relax a little bit? Perhaps that's what this movie is ultimately about. I like to think it's set in some dreamy, exotic place, where people learn to deal with their aggression in a healthy way, and come to some understanding about human nature. Then, there is some sort of beach Olympiad, where they are forced to come together and compete in fun, seaside sports, to learn about being part of a team. I think I would like that movie very much.  - 64 Piece Crayola Box

Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail - The only Madea I can think of is the one in Greek tragedy, which I also haven't read, so this must be some sort of grand tragedy. A tearjerker, if you will. It's Oscar season, so I'm pretty sure that this is just some attempt to try and garner some buzz leading up to the ceremony this weekend. I'm not sure if it's too late or not to be able to slot itself into the Awards, but it looks like they're really going to try. - Lieutenant

Gene's Oscar Picks - Ok, so I'm going to tell you who I'm thinking will win the Oscars. You can disagree if you want, but I'm a trained professional, so I know what I'm talking about.

  • Best Picture - That one with the guy who has a lot of makeup as a baby.
  • Best Actor - Sean Penn played Milk, for crying out loud. It's hard to be a beverage in a movie. He wins.
  • Best Actress - I thought Anne Hathaway deserved it for The Devil Wears Prada, so this will be a make-up win.
  • Best Supporting Actor - Heath Ledger. Even I know that.
  • Best Supporting Actress - I have never heard of any of these women. No one wins.

The rest of these are unimportant. I'll see you next week when we're going to talk about The Jonas Brothers!

Tags: Gene Unyons

Comments are Closed

  • JohnnyOz

    Lol these reviews are fail.

    Make them more Actual reviews, a bit funnier (optional), and way less pointless/useless, and you sir, will have yourself a legit. G4 post.

    Posted: February 19, 2009 6:06 PM