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Gene Unyons' Weekly Movie Reviews

Posted February 5, 2009 - By Gene Unyons

Oh, what a week for movies, movie fans. Gene Unyons here, back with another look at the movies that are coming out this weekend. I have a bris to go to on Sunday, so I'm going to have to spend all day Friday and Saturday getting ready. I'm sure you understand. But, just because I will never, ever see any of these movies doesn't mean I can't give my review. So, here we go!

Also, I am sad this week, as one of my fourteen cats, Mr. Prissybrits, passed away due to a wound he sustained during the Korean Conflict. I think 13 cats is an unlucky number, so I am having another one delivered! Cross your fingers, everyone! 

Push - I thought this movie already came out, didn't it? I'm confused. Wasn't this the one with Angelina Jolie and the little guy who played Mr. Tumnus in that movie with Forrest Whitaker and Edi Amin? I'm sure of it. So, in this one, there's a guy who can do certain things with his mind, and other people who either like that he can do those things or they don't. My bet is that someone important dies to teach a lesson about pride vs. omnipotence, or some such. Either way, that Dakota Fanning is sure growing up quick, isn't she? - out of 5


Coraline - My favorite Smashing Pumpkins song is being made into a movie! Now, I've only seen one commercial for this movie, but it's already too scary for my cat, Scarlett O'Meowa, so I can only imagine that it's too scary for kids and for me. Still, it's one of those funky cartoons, so people will probably like it a lot better than if it were a real movie, due to artistic merit. - 61%

He's Just Not That Into You - 47 characters, 17 storylines, 87 minutes. It will be like watching that movie with the British version of the same setup where Hugh Grant played the President of England, but not quite as clever. Extra credit for Scarlett Johansson, who I can not believe a single human on Earth would be 'just not that into.' If I were to ever have a chance to get 'into' Ms. Johansson, I would never stop being 'into' her. - Three Thumbs

Pink Panther 2 - So, in this movie, Steve Martin invents a pair of nose holders for some eyeglasses and becomes a rich man, even though he's kind of an idiot. There is also pizza-in-a-cup and a dog who's too smart for his own good. And a really cool song about thermoses. I like Steve Martin. He's not afraid to 'go there' and you will say 'oh, no he didn't,' but it's obvious that he already did because you wouldn't have said it if he hadn't. - Pomegranate

See you next week for more movies, including one where that guy from the weird black-and-white and color movie has some problems with an ATM!

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