Today's DVDuesday Bonus Features centers on our big, green (or grey, or red) friend, The Hulk. On the show, Chris Gore will review a couple of Hulk Vs... titles, which feature Dr. Bruce Banner's id-driven monster getting it on with Thor and Captain America, but we'd like to suggest some other foes that he might face, should there be a series of sequels.
Hulk vs. Hulk - What could be more fascinating than watching The Incredible Hulk take on himself? Not in a 'HULK SMASH' sort of way, but in a "what am I doing with my life?" battle of existential despair that would be fought on a couch in an office somewhere. After hours of thought, Hulk realizes that the only logical step for him next is to get a pint of Ben & Jerry's 'Everything But The...' and watch a Sex and the City marathon.
Hulk vs. The 1986 Mets - Perhaps The Hulk could do what the Boston Red Sox failed to 23 years ago, and vanquish the evil Metropolitans from New York. And this would be a better battle than you would think. Hulk might be a monster at the dish, but he'd have to face Doc Gooden's curveball, not to mention his weak fielding percentage in 1986, which would really have been put to the test with all of the speedsters in the Mets' lineup. My prediction? Mets 2, Hulk 1.
Hulk vs. The Dudley Boyz vs. The Hardy Boys vs. Edge and Christian in a Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match - (To be read in the voice of Good Ol' JR, himself, Jim Ross) Uh oh. Bubba and D-Von, Matt and Jeff Hardy, and Edge and Christian have awakened the sleeping giant, King! This one's gonna be a real slobberknocker! Bubba and D-Von get the audience to chant "GET THE TABLES!" and Hulk looks like he's on the ropes, when Christian makes an awesome face turn and gives Edge an everlovin' chair shot, taking him out of the match. Jeff Hardy tries to hit the Twist of Fate, and ends up knocking both himself and his brother out. Hulk hits a double chokeslam on the Dudleys, and tosses Christian high up in the air, where he is able to loosen the strap, making Hulk and Christian the World Tag Team Champions, King! HULK AND CHRISTIAN! HULK AND CHRISTIAN!!!!
Hulk vs. Board of Ed. - Unable to attend the school of his choice because of his green skin, Hulk has been segregated, but hires the greatest team of civil rights attorneys that 1954 has to offer. After the U.S. Supreme Court determines that the segregation "violates the 14th amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which guarantees all citizens equal protection of the laws," The Hulk destroys half of Washington D.C. before showing up to class on Monday morning.
Hulk vs. Spenny - Hulk and his best bud Spenny get into all kinds of mischief competing against each other in ridiculous competitive ways, like who can stay awake the longest, or who can drink the most egg nog without throwing up. The best episode involves Hulk and Spenny trying to see who can balance an egg on a spoon the longest, which Hulk immediately loses, and ends up knocking Spenny's head off, and carrying around on a giant wooden spoon for a week. (Note: This is also the last episode)
So, there you have it. And, if I were Marvel, I would listen, because these sequels are box office gold. We'll see you next week with more DVDuesday Bonus Features.