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"To The Batcab!"

Posted August 15, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Sure, it's technically "not a car," but the redesigned recession edition of the Batmobile also makes Batman some money on the side lugging-around tourists.

It may not be the vehicle Batman deserves, but right now, it's the one he needs.


I'm not sure if it's a coincidence that a pedestrian was hit by a car at the exact moment of a sewer explosion, or if Russia has installed a fancy new type of alert system that shoots a fountain of brown, rancid sewage into the air to let authorities and emergency vehicles know where the action is taking place.

I guess it's a feces flare gun.

Bane Is Your Dirty Car's Reckoning

Sure, Bane might be trying to end Gotham as we know it.

However, just as he wants to cleanse the city of its unworthiness with a glorious explosion of fusion, he also believes it's your responsibility as someone alive in this world who gives a damn about your own stuff to cleanse your vehicle.

He may have been born in darkness, but that doesn't mean your interior has to live in it, covered by dirt and...who knows what else.


Cat Knows How To Cross The Street

Posted August 14, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

"Hey, I walkin' here, I'm walkin' here!

So, that's how it's gonna be, huh, car people? You see people crossing the street, you stop and let them pass with a smile. You see a cat crossing the street and you're practically foaming at the mouth to make me road pizza!

...And you wonder why us cats are so creepy and mentally unstable."

Bird Cleans Off Car Bumper

Posted August 13, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Sure, most birds exist on this world purely to bring white, splashy ruin the body of your car.

This one, however, is shattering stereotypes by actually doing something NICE to your ride for a change: Cleaning off dead bugs.

You'll appreciate the service it's doing, especially if you live in Gulf Coast areas where lovebugs suicide bomb your grill like an explosion of super-glue and spitballs just for the pure principle of trolling.

This is what happens when Russian police outsource their vehicle designing to the Japanese.

Sure, it looks like an anorexic Transformer, but this nano-patrol-car can chase their usual rogues gallery of vodka thieves, farm-squatters, and capitalists through the tightest of spots.

If you thought those Bud Light "Wego" commercials were just effects-driven-drivel, then you are mistaken.

This hospitable hound is all too happy to fetch its master beers at will. It also takes the initiative to snatch car keys when you've had one too many and even violently toss-out loud angry drunks that start whining about their stupid problems.

It's not a bad price to pay for having beers dropped on the floor and covered in dog spit.

Batman Breaks Out The Batplow!

Posted August 6, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Batman Breaks Out The Batplow!

In the nonexistent fourth Batman film, The Dark Knight Rices, Lucius Fox tenders his resignation from Wayne Enterprises, leaving Batman's crime-fighting gadgets to take a bit of a tumble in the departments of "coolness" and "effectiveness."

Although, in keeping with consistency, this vehicle he's pushing is also "not a car."


The white car that stopped at the pedestrian crosswalk to let a man cross (as laws dictate) just learned an important lesson: Stopping is for suckers!

That's why the driver of this silver-ish sedan made a split-second decision to assume that the car was stopped out of pure amazement of the awesomeness that was coming up behind him.

It's a good thing that the man crossing the street is part-gazelle.

Must Be The Optimistic Interpretation

Only fancy-schmancy people who drive cars with doors matching the same color as the rest of the body would waste money buying fully-fresh pork loins.

Besides, building up a little bacterial resistance in your stomach is only going to help you in the long run.


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