In Your Pants
With a 5 megapixel camera and a massive 4.3" multi-touch display, the HTC HD2 allows users to customize every aspect of its interface. Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn review its 16 gigs of storage and special features, all for $100 with a contract.
Hometown: Wayne, NJ
Position: I’m kind of the kicker. I’m always there, I have a very specific skill set, I work hard when I need to and I’ll sometimes surprise you by winning the game.
Favorite Season: Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 3
Least Favorite Nickname: Skeeter
AOTB: What do you do on AOTS?
I produce various segments including Web Tools, Go Hack Yourself, As Seen on TV, Quick Hit, Kings of Dot Comedy, Who’s Who on YouTube and The Feed. That means I have to find and research sites/apps/YouTube celebrities/games, write the scripts, gather or shoot the footage and hand all of that over to one of our editors who cuts each segment into 2 – 3 minutes worth of television. That’s how we make TV magic.
AOTB: What is your favorite moment from the show?
First, here’s a classic favorite moment from The Screen Savers: We enjoyed playing practical jokes on the set and I probably should have gotten fired for this but, I changed one of our co-host’s lines in the teleprompter to say, “… and I’m not wearing any pants.” The co-host, Dan Huard was also my roommate and I honestly didn’t think he would actually read the lines, but, he did and the rest is history.
I’m going to have to say, my favorite AOTS moment was during our 1,000th episode when Kevin finally realized his dream of catching a greased pig with his bare hands. The unplanned part where the pig escaped the little pen we had set up was one of those awesome live TV moments.
AOTB: You have quite a history with the show. Tell us about it.
This is a really long story, so go grab a coffee and come back. I started as an intern on TechTV’s Call for Help. Back then, the interns ran the teleprompter during the show and sent out the prizes to the show’s callers. I was such an awesome intern that I was hired on staff as a production assistant for The Screen Savers. Then, I moved into the control room as the show’s line producer. The line producer keeps the show to time, talking to the on-air hosts through those little dealies in their ears during the show. That way, they know how much time is left in each segment and when to wrap up interviews and such. The show moved down to Los Angeles from San Francisco. We started a new show called Attack of the Show, loosely based on the format of The Screen Savers. I became a segment producer. My job then, as it pretty much is now, inventing or finding interesting tech hacks and discovering cool websites, events and guests who we can invite onto the show.
Put the revelry and wild antics of the new year behind you and focus your mind and your will upon attaining the sober vigilance which can only be achieved once you have mastered the powers that rule thee In Your Pantaloons.
In my workshop at home, I've got posters of a couple bikini models up on the walls. My wife hates them and wants me to take them down, but I say, "no way." First, it's my manly sanctuary and what goes on in there is none of her business. Second, it's not like I'm actually cheating with one of those models. We've been fighting about this for weeks. How do I get her to shut up?
She shall not be silent so long as the images that doth offend remain enshrined in your holy of holies. Never the less, sir, tis' for thine own good and the sake of thy morals and thy marriage that ye take down the lust-inducing scrolls that are as thin and shallow as the strumpets printed thereon.
My wife is three months pregnant and I recently cheated on her with her sister who is now also pregnant. What the hell am I going to do? Please, help me get out of this!
Better to have lived in Sodom or Gomorrah during their downfall than to be you now. Thou art hopeless.
Beware, for the tradition of the mistletoe and the drinking of strong nog may cause ye to walk the path to ruin. Abandon them and take up a walking stick, so that together we might walk the path of purity, which leads to safe haven In Your Pantaloons.
I'm an ass man. How about you? More cushion for the pushin', right?
I have several asses for the pushing... and also the pulling of the plowshares through the field where I have planted my grain.
Is it true that the darker the berry is, the sweeter the juice?
Sir, this is a column for affairs of the heart and the loins, so thine inquiry has no place here. Yet, since it is the Yuletide, I shall answer thee nevertheless. The wild blackberry, for example, though dark, produces a bitter flavor, whilst the traditional grapes, which are lighter in pigment, do indeed yield sweet juice. It doth depend on the berry.
I'm a morally upstanding guy living in a major metropolitan area. I've been dating with an eye toward marriage for three years now, but I can't find a girl that's pure and chaste and matches my moral standards. Everyone I've dated wants to rush into sex and none of them really share my spiritual beliefs. Can you help me out here?
It doth seem like harlotry has won out in its battle with good virtue. As far as where to find a bride that is chaste in a city filled with sin and degradation, I can only reiterate what Hamlet said to Ophelia, "Get thee to a nunnery." I weep for thee, chaste man of Gomorrah.
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