Girl of the Week
Hey Unyonites! It's Thursday, the internet's juiced, and I'm in my underwear. That can only mean one thing - It's time for me to run you through this weekend's movie releases, many (all) of which I will not be able (willing) to see due to circumstances beyond my control (fear of the sun and noses.) Grab some Funyons! I'm Gene Unyons!
Oh man, the SNL guy who gets into character by putting on a mustache and that SNL girl who's really funny, and is that Michael Cera or just somebody that kind of looked like him? How many times did the director say, "Alright, people, let's go again, and Curly, I like what you're doing, but give me more Cera." People die at carnivals all the time.
- 7 Maids A-Milking
You'll remember that not long ago TheFeed posted a review of the Xbox Live exclusive title, Rumble Massage by adult film star, Stoya. Knowing that you would soon be clamoring for more of the starlet, Attack of the Blog did it's own interview and photo shoot with the lovely lady you all can't get enough of. Learn all about what she thinks is the naughtiest thing about her, what's in her panty drawer and so much more.
What’s the naughtiest thing about you?
That's a really difficult question. [My mind] would have to be it, because as soon as we pick the naughtiest thing about me, something else comes out of my mouth that's totally worse.
What would people be surprised to know about you?
I don't know if there's anything people would be surprised to know about me. I do a lot of interviews, so anyone with a computer and a significant amount of time can probably find out just about everything.
You’re from Philly, right? Do you have a South Philly attitude?
I am from Philly and I've been told that I can be rather direct, somewhat brassy and possibly have attitude, but I don't see it as anything odd, but that might be because I spend copious amounts of time in South Philadelphia.
So you've been looking for something that can see great distances in the dark for your, uh, little expeditions in the middle of the night and that's why we're reviewing the PathfindIR Night Vision Camera. Don't be coy. You know you want it.
Continuing on our promised trend of letting you get to know what's going on behind the big curtain of AOTS, we present our next staff profile.
Title: Master Chief of the Halo trilogy - most notably Halo 1
Hometown: Port Washington, WI
Position: Associate Producer
Favorite Season: 1st Season of West Wing
AOTB: What do you do on AOTS?
DJ: I am the associate producer for the Around the Net segment at the beginning of the show. I get here early in the morning and search the internet for quality videos we as a staff have not yet seen. And we've seen a lot, by a lot I mean we show 5 per day, 5 days a week. There are not that many weekdays during the year where there isn't a new show and for each ATN meeting we watch usually at least 15 - 20 videos not including the ones that we've all seen on our own that we don't feel are good enough to bring to the meeting. Then at 8:45am I go to the ATN meeting in which the writers, executive producers, supervising producer, and the ATN segment producer decide what 5 videos to show. Next I cut these videos down with an editor to their most warm and gooey innards. And finally, once those are cut I try to assist the ATN segment producer with whatever he needs for day of stunts and comedy skits.
AOTB: Last week, in his Staff Profile, Luke Wahl called you a girl. How would you like to respond to those allegations?
DJ: Well once I found out who Luke Wahl was, I wasn't all that miffed. Turns out he's the show puppeteer. We use him about once every other month when we have a comedy bit that involves a puppet. He has a closet somewhere in one of the stairwells where he makes puppets out of socks all day (I wouldn't walk in there without knocking). I don't know how he conned his way into getting an interview for this blog. Oh well, the little people need a time to shine, too.
See the Luke Wahl rebuttal below the cut.
Hey, everybody! I'm Gene Unyons, freelance movie reviewer for Attack of the Blog! Every week, on Thursday, the day before new movies come out, I will offer my take on the weekend's big films. Now, I don't go to movies myself, and I will not be seeing these either, but I have seen one or two in my time, and I know how stories work, so I feel more than qualified to write these reviews. Let's get started!
The Univited - I have been uninvited to things in the past, so I know how it really chaps my hide when people say, 'Oh, why don't you come to my wedding...wait, I should ask my fiancee first,' and then they call you and say that they're not going to get married, but you know they are because all of your friends are going. So, when that blonde chick from the commercial gets upset at that little girl by trying to choke her with a necklace, I know exactly how she feels. Also, there's probably a plot point that has to do with a window, because it's on the poster. So, I can only guess there's some magical party or something or other that the little girl sitting at the window hasn't been invited to. No fair. - 3 stars.
AOTS fanboys (and girls), as you know, we have waged a tireless campaign this week to expand National Pie Day into a seven-day-long celebration of the crusted confection we're calling National Pie Week.
Our courageous figureheads, Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn have put together a PSA about the importance of this grass roots movement and we ask only that you give it a glance and then sign the petition that will make every pie-lover's dream a reality.
Do it for pie, do it for America, do it so that Olivia will mince around in a giant pie, dressed in only a bra and the lower half of a French maid outfit.
See below for videos of the announcement and the latest updates on National Pie Week. Pie we can!
We'd like to give you a little peek behind the curtain to show you just what running a daily live TV show is like. To that end, we have decided that roughly once a week, we here at the new AOTB will be profiling a member of the Attack of the Show staff. There's already fireworks this week as we've made our controversial first pick. Won't you read on?
Title: Segment Producer
Hometown: Toronto, ON
Position: Casual Determinism
Favorite season: Toss up between Rabbit and Duck
AOTB: What's your problem?
LW: Lots of stuff. I am a man who used to have many vices. Women and wine used to be two of my favorite pastimes. As I have gotten older, I have chosen to make these things less prevalent in my world. Now, I make fun of people a lot to fill the gaps, entertain myself, and mask my insecurities.
AOTB: What do you do on AOTS?
LW: I am a segment producer. This means that I do anything from writing and supervising the edit of voice-over driven packages, to preparing in-studio stunts and interviews. I also am the self proclaimed "staff heartthrob". This title does me little good though, since there are only 3 girls on staff, not including Derek Johnson.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Derek Johnson, AOTS Associate Producer, had this response - "I might be a little upset if I knew who Luke Wahl was or what she does on our staff. I think I knew a barista named Luke Wahl once."]
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