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Food and Drink

Cat Trying A Burger

Baxter
Posted September 28, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Cat Trying A Burger

"Wow. I have to say, human food is actually pretty tasty.

Indeed, I will openly admit that this 'cheeseburger' thing tastes a lot better than dead mice and, for that matter, my own crotch.

I guess I'll just have to own up and take back all the smack I've been talking."

[Source]

Getting High Off Life

Baxter
Posted September 28, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Getting High Off Life

It seems that one of the oldest of anti-drug maxims may have accidentally led our children down an even darker, more grainy path with a cereal that, once upon a time, destroyed the life of a kid named "Mikey."

Look at this kid. He's not even bothering with the sanitary options of a clean mirror and razor blade. He's so hopped-up on grains, he's just going for broke and not even caring.

[Source]

Easy On The Tastebuds, Tough On The Bladder

This new streamlined menu of golden favorites is guaranteed to enter your system solid, but leave nothing but liquid.

For your convenience, you'll find this to be the only restaurant that wraps a fresh catheter next to the silverware on your table.

With that, you'll be ready to chow down uninterrupted by nature's call.

[Source]

Just A Rat Chilling In The Deli

Baxter
Posted September 27, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Just A Rat Chilling In The Deli

"I must say, coming from a rat as refined as myself, you do have a fine selection of meats and cheeses here in this deli.

...Okay, after getting a closer look at your product, I believe my mind is made up. I'll take a pound of pepperoni and a whole wheel of your finest provolone, please."

[Via]

Tonight On AOTS: Jamie-Lynn Sigler On Guys With Kids & Weston Scott Visits Mursuli Cigars

Tonight on Attack of the Show, guest co-host& Ben Schwartz and Candace Bailey bring you Jamie-Lynn Sigler from The Sopranos in studio for her new NBC series, Guys With Kids, about three thirty-something men trying to raise their infant children on their own. Plus, Weston Scott visits Mursuli Cigars in Los Angeles to learn the art and etiquette of smoking cigars. We also give you a good reason on why you should move to Estonia and Google's new underwater Street View. Tune in tonight 7/6c!

Not Coconuts, But Coco Nuts

Baxter
Posted September 25, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Not Coconuts, But Coco Nuts

What better tropical delicacy can you find than tree testicles?

Just break them open over something hard, consume the white liquid they produce, and smile for the camera.

[Source]

Hold The Mayo, Please

Baxter
Posted September 21, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Hold The Mayo, Please

Damn. It looks like a factory error has swapped this mayonnaise packet with a "rotten regurgitated apricots" packet.

Oh, well, we can't be wasteful now, can we? Might as well throw that on your baloney sandwich and hope for the best.

[Source]

Condiment Paradox

Baxter
Posted September 20, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Condiment Paradox

This has to be a violation of some type of implied natural law.

What's next? Relish in the onion containers? Onions in the relish containers?

Unsuspecting people whose only crime was not being observant enough will be slightly inconvenienced when their hot dogs get covered with the wrong stuff!

How can that be okay?!

[Source]

Puppy Vs. Lemon

Baxter
Posted September 19, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

"Yuk! What is this thing?

It's absolutely raping my taste buds, but I can't stop biting it. Why is that?

Why does it have to be so yellow and irresistible? What matter of dark sorcery conjured-up this citrusy concoction?"

How Can You Have Donuts Without Tacos?

Baxter
Posted September 19, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

How Can You Have Donuts Without Tacos?

This restaurant chain prides itself on being your one-stop-shop for diabetes and diarrhea.

It's a good thing this place delivers, since their bathroom accommodations are limited and a lot of people simply would not be able to make it home on time.

[Source]

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