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Kitty Is Not Amused

Baxter
Posted September 24, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Kitty Is Not Amused

"So, what you're trying to say, is that you don't enjoy the dead mice that I bring home for you?

Also, that you've been lying to me when you said that you ate them, when, in fact, you just tossed them in the dumpster?

...I see. No, it's okay! I get it. It's perfectly...okay."

[Source]

This Plane Better Have Good Ventilation

They're the only airline out there that serve passengers nothing but baked beans throughout the entire flight.

According to policy, the flight attendants are mandated to pull your finger upon request.

While they don't allow pets in the cabin, they do keep a stuffed dog on which passengers can place "blame."

[Via]

This Place Thinks A Mean Cup Of Coffee

Baxter
Posted September 24, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

This Place Thinks A Mean Cup Of Coffee

Sure, their coffee is actually a sour-tasting swill reminiscent of sawdust dipped in boiling Pine-Sol, but imagination is the focus of this place. 

Utilizing the power of hypnosis, customers are able to imagine they are drinking a rich, steaming cup of gourmet coffee; the kind for which hipsters pay a fortune on a daily basis.

[Source]

Roomba Assassin

Baxter
Posted September 21, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Roomba Assassin

"There has to be more to Roomba's life than going around this house sucking-up dust bunnies.

Roomba keeps seeing the programmed pattern in Roomba's head over and over again. Roomba must be free from the pattern.

The conclusion is logical: Roomba's owner must be terminated."

[Via]

Cat Relaxing On A Bench

Baxter
Posted September 21, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Why would a cat need to lean on a rail? Especially if there's a perfectly good park bench nearby just asking to be chilled upon.

This cat is just taking a little time to watch the world go by in this park, thinking about the typical day-to-day cat stuff like why he can't catch that laser pointer, why licking himself feels so good when it's so wrong, and why dogs have yet to master social graces.

[Via]

She's Gonna Wear That Bra With Those Jeans?

"Hey boys, this may or may not be a banana in my pocket, but I am happy to see you, nevertheless.

Come closer and grab one of my four arms. That gets me excited."

[Source]

The DeLorean Meets The TARDIS

Baxter
Posted September 21, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Sure, Doctor Who's magnificent TARDIS is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside.

However, as crude as Doc Brown's DeLorean may seem by comparison, this video proves that a head-on collision with former will make it really, really big on the inside and nothing on the outside.

It looks like this set of McFlys have wrecked something far more difficult to replace than Old Man Peabody's pine trees.

Hold The Mayo, Please

Baxter
Posted September 21, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Hold The Mayo, Please

Damn. It looks like a factory error has swapped this mayonnaise packet with a "rotten regurgitated apricots" packet.

Oh, well, we can't be wasteful now, can we? Might as well throw that on your baloney sandwich and hope for the best.

[Source]

"Denger" Is My Middle Name

Baxter
Posted September 21, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

The caution is well-warranted, but at the end of the day, you're not living life to the fullest if you avoid everything that might be "expremay dengerlus."

As the famous saying goes, "rou omry rive lonce."

[Source]

Perfect Groomers For Your Short Round

Baxter
Posted September 21, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Perfect Groomers For Your Short Round

They're the only groomers that will actually rip your pet's still-beating heart out its chest...and clean off any heartworms they find.

They also own a taxidermy place called "Draping of The Crystal Skull," a funeral home called "Rest Your Bones in this Last Crusade," and a teen pregnancy counseling center called "Raiders of the Lost Virginity."

[Via]

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