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Movies

Your Kids Will Be Assimilated Tomorrow

Labor Day has always been that bittersweet final vestige of your summer vacation and freedom before the inevitable somber walk back into the "collective" that is school.

While Jean-Luc Picard was able to escape it with a little help from the crew of the Enterprise D, it's pretty much a given that you won't be so lucky.

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Stormtroopa Rap

Baxter
Posted August 31, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Stormtroopa Rap

Compton-schmompton. These straight-up hardcore T's have seen plenty of bad stuff in the accelerated growth-span of their lives.

They survived the unforgiving hallways of the Kamino cloning facility where respect had to be taken, not given. From there, it was the scarring encounters with the Rebellion, being shanked with stone spears by teddy bear creatures in the forest, not to mention grief for all the homies they lost on the two Death Stars.

These guys have tales to tell.

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The burgeoning made-up genre of Austrian Autorap would not be complete without a contribution from everyone's favorite syllable-slaying-cyborg, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Now, thanks to some editing and a smooth, funky track, he's ready to show the world that if your ear bleeds, he can kill it.

The magic of the movies doesn't quite translate in some deleted scenes. For example, this is what Nicolas Cage as the Ghost Rider looked like on set. Yeah. You'll never be able to watch that movie in the same light again.

By the way, why would you ever want to watch that movie again?

For more viral videos, watch Around the Net on Attack of the Show every weeknight at 7/6c!

This Carlton Draught beer commercial exemplifies what every future police car chase scene should be like in every new movie. Less cars! More beer!

For more viral videos, watch Around the Net on Attack of the Show every weeknight at 7/6c!

Stormtrooper Parenting

Baxter
Posted August 30, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Stormtrooper Parenting

"Now, son, remember to use the crosswalk button properly and look both ways before crossing the street.

Also, perhaps more importantly, if some creepy, crusty old guy in a landspeeder tries to tell you that these aren't the droids you're looking for, he's actually nothing but a filthy, stinking, LIAR!

Now, then, we're off to target practice. Remember son, never fire directly at your target. Our genetics prevents us from doing that, so you're better off just shooting wildly in random directions and hope to get lucky."

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Bane Is Sad That No One Cares

Baxter
Posted August 30, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Bane Is Sad That No One Cares

It turns out that the only reason he wanted to become Gotham's reckoning, was due to the never-ending rejection and mockery he absorbed when trying to get into the world of fashionable winter coats for men. As a result, it forced him to resort to a gimmicky oxygen mask.

At this point, pulling it off would be "extremely painful," due to the scarring memories. Even his arch-nemesis, Batman had to temporarily bury the bat-hatchet and show a little bat-empathy.

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RoboCop Remake Loses House, Gets Batman

The upcoming remake of RoboCop has gained the services of Michael Keaton for the role of the film's main villain. This comes after House star, Hugh Laurie recently dropped out.

The character, named Raymond Sellars, is the CEO of OmniCorp, the corporation that builds RoboCop, which use their technological monstrosities like the ED-209 to control the population of the future with brute, mechanical power.

He will apparently be a similar character to Ronny Cox's Dick Jones, who in the original film, was an overly-ambitious second-in-command that used the corporation's resources to run a crime syndicate.

For Keaton, who's donned the dark mantle of Batman in Tim Burton's groundbreaking 1989 rendition, as well as its sequel, this could find him delving into a dark place as the megalomaniac who will do battle with an off-the-reservation mechanical cop in what director, Jose Padilha calls, an "innovative new vision of RoboCop."

RoboCop breaks through theater walls on August 9, 2013.

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The Avengers Deleted Scene: Sad Captain America

The Avengers keeps its hype train chugging with yet another deleted scene from the mega-film's upcoming September 25 DVD/Blu-ray release.

Featuring yet another Stan Lee cameo, this deleted scene really drives home the idea of Captain America being a man who finds himself a living relic in world far more complex than he can imagine.

While the last clip focused on Maria Hill's debriefing, this time, we get an extended version of scenes with a wistful Steve Rogers as he truly reflects on the ramification of being frozen for over half-century. He solemnly deals with the idea that all the people he cared about in his life are either dead or too-far-removed from him to conjure-up the courage to pick up the phone.

Check out Cap getting caught up in his emo-ness below!

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The clear philosophical differences of superhero-dom between Batman and The Avengers are on full display in this impromptu, likely one-time team-up.

If it proves one thing, it's that Batman is just a total Dark Knight Debbie Downer. While after a tough battle, The Avengers want to chill and have beers, Batman just wants to be chilly and savor his tears.

It looks like the lonely hero that Gotham deserves will be patrolling the streets solo tonight with a miserable smirk on his face and The Sisters of Mercy on his ipod...err, Batipod.

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