Etsy.com is a website where you can buy and sell handcrafted items. You can even search for things by color! But the area of the site we were most intrigued by was
Etsy Alchemy, where you can request a custom handmade item, suggest a price, and p
eople will bid to make it for you.
We
love taking advantage of the good nature of others, so we requested some insane stuff just to see if someone would make it for us.
Item 1: Bea Arthur Cross-Stitch
Price: $80
Did They Make It?: Sort of...
Don't read on if you don't like seeing DIRTY WORDS and CARTOON GENITALIA and VERY VERY DIRTY WORDS LIE AHEAD. You've been warned!
We sent a headshot of Bea Arthur:
and asked for a
cross-stitched image of her. They didn't want to cross-stitch it because of the amount of time it would take, but they did paint a
beautiful likeness of Bea for us onto cross-stitchable canvas. Then I,
your humble narrator, personally cross-stitched the darn thing onto a denim jacket. This took much longer than I'm willing to admit here.
The end result was so lust-worthy, that
I couldn't walk 10 feet without somebody asking if they could keep it after today's show.
Breathtaking!
Item 2: The George Carlin (7 Dirty Words) Scarf
Price: $80
Did They Make It?: You Betcha!
Comedian George Carlin did a hilarious stand-up routine (way back when) about the
Seven Dirty Words that you're not allowed to say on television.
I wanted all those words on a scarf!I sent this profane image:
and asked them to knit us a scarf with all the words in order, one after the other, written along the length of it. I wanted it to be so profane that it would melt the snow around me. I can't wait until the weather gets cold again.
Our scarf (I'll post pictures of the uncensored version after the show!):
Item 3: The Anatomically Correct Felt Ron Jeremy Doll
Price: $60
Did They Make It?: Hell Yes!
We sent this image that Kevin Pereira drew:
Waaay Accurate!
then, we waited for the bids to roll in. $60 later, we've got ourselves a Ron Jeremy doll with posable penis (a hidden wire inside does all the magic)! The person who made Ron suggested that the penis be poseable and that she make the it much BIGGER than the way Kevin drew it.
The result:
Front
Back!
What did we learn?
For enough money, good-natured people will make you almost
anything. If you're going to request something risque from
Etsy Alchemy, make sure you make your request clean or they'll pull your listing. I censored my requests and then sent the 'full monty' once the bid was accepted. Your mileage may vary.
I'd also like to add that
all three girls that made these items for us could not have been sweeter. Big thanks to Anja, Carmen and Dora for being good sports and for making us some of the coolest stuff we've ever seen.
