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Raccoon Vs. A Lot Of Chimps

Baxter
Posted October 19, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

This video proves that should the Planet of the Apes ever "rise," that the best chances of survival rest with raccoons.

This poor nocturnal numskull found itself trapped in a zoo enclosure with a bunch of curious chimps that would sooner chuck it against a wall than feed it scraps.

Nevertheless, the cornered critter handles this dire emergency with such extreme smoothness, it makes you wonder how they still get themselves hit by cars.

This misfortune-struck mark was right to be cautious when he was called into this room.

Unfortunately, it wasn't an on-screen scare pop-up that he had to be wary about; it was the hungry, hungry bit of bachelor furniture he was on that needed to feed.

Now, he will find a new definition of pain and suffering as he is slowly digested over 1,000 years.

"Come on, Dad! If you insist of feeding me that pureed vomity mush, the very least you can do is put on my tunes.

So, unless you have another one of those feed dishes that has a double-bacon-cheeseburger with a side of garlic Parmesan fries, please hit the damn play button."

Ostriches Go Nuts Over Food

Baxter
Posted September 26, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

"Um, can I maybe do that again? Except this time we put the feed all over my naked body? You know, for efficiency and stuff?

In fact, you guys can probably leave and give the ostriches and myself some privacy.

They're just so long and attentive."

Looking At Scenery Is Prohibited

Baxter
Posted September 17, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Looking At Scenery Is Prohibited

At Huangshan, China, tourists are more than welcome to visit the sprawling, majestic, awe-inspiring mountains.

However, that privilege apparently comes with a number of caveats, one of which is having to navigate around the high-altitude rocky terrain blind-folded.

How are we supposed to "flirt" with monkeys "by feeding" like that?

[Source]

Squirrel Stuck In Manhole Cover

Baxter
Posted August 6, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

Squirrel Stuck In Manhole Cover

"I was told that sticking my head through this magic hole to the sky would result in hot female squirrels feeding me nuts off their tight, furry bodies. Clearly, I was enormously mislead.

So, are you gonna get out the jaws of life, now?"

[Source]

Just A Chipmunk Reading A Nutrition Label

"You know, for something that tastes like bird feed mixed together with Elmer's glue, this granola bar sure does have a lot of carbs.

I might as well just go back to feasting on the nut stash in my tree."

[Source]

We're halfway through summer so make sure you enjoy the heat with these three new tracks for Free Beats. Click the link below to listen and download them online.

Free Beats: Lostprophets, Flobots, Cut Teeth »


Tags: Music

Handfeeding A Dragonfly

Baxter
Posted July 18, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

This dragonfly injured itself by doing dragonfly stuff way too intense and couldn't catch any prey. However, thanks to one good Samaritan, it ended up hitting the all-you-can-eat-ants buffet jackpot.

It kind of makes you wish someone would pick you up after you've been injured and feed you with a giant pair of tweezers. (Except with Chick-fil-A nuggets, not ants. Definitely not ants.)

Bulldog Squawks Like A Bird

Baxter
Posted June 8, 2012 - By Joseph Baxter

This is what happens when you keep canines in cages suspended over newspaper and only feed them seed: They start to embrace it.

Even playing fetch is a difficult task, since he just falls on the ground flapping his arms erratically.

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