The next you know, pie boxes are going to have "while you have your pants down" tips for prostate health.
You know what's happening right now in Florida? I'll tell you: A rhesus monkey is running riot! The adorable little scamp is "known to throw feces when mad" and was last spotted in Clearwater. Authorities have been trying to capture the monkey since Tuesday, but he has thus far evaded them, escaping a bucket truck and a tranquilizer dart.
The Florida State Congress, eager to capitalize on the fame of their new simian mascot, adopted a new, official motto for the state: "Florida: If monkey sh*t hits you in the face, you're home."
There are two new studies to help soften stereotypes on marijuana and red wine. These reports say both substances could help fight Alzheimer's disease and other types of memory loss.
Stereotypes go a long way to perpetuate negative notions about people, things and ideas.
Think about Cheech and Chong and what comes to mind? Pot smoking. A jobless hippie and a biker smoking copious amounts of weed. How about wine? Old ladies drinking box wine with ice cubes. And that it's not really masculine for a dude to be holding a glass of chilled chardonnay.
Citing a lack of disclosure regarding the risks involved with popping the little blue pill, the Food and Drug Administration has forced Pfizer to pull the video game Viva Viagra, which had been linking through Forbes.com.
Now prospective Casanovas will have to warm up for the big date without the aid of this little gem, a motorcycle highway cruise that entailed avoiding obstacles while snatching up all the accoutrement necessary to any successful conquest: roses, scented candles, gift boxes, and most importantly, the Big V.
That’s it kiddies, that’s all I’ve got on this one, I’m determined to avoid all the obvious takes on this (FDA Give Pfizer A Hard Time? FDA Lets Blood Out of All the Fun?), but if you have any ideas I’ll certainly give them a read, and then pat myself on the back for not stooping to such cheap writing.
After several days of unsuccessful tests, a device that will purify urine, giving astronauts a critical water supply, has made a successful test. The urine processing device is but a single part of the $154 million water recycling system that will allow not only urine, but sweat and condensation to be recycled as drinking water. This will be a significant gain for the astronauts as it will free up space to allow them to carry more crew members per mission (in fact, it will double the crew for the International Space Station), and allow them to stay for longer periods.
The samples of the processed urine, sweat, and condensation will obviously be tested on Earth at first, and astronauts may not be able to use the device until development is finished next year.
This is indeed excellent news for those of us who look to the stars and long for the day when we can travel them. However, one question remains here: WHO gets the job of testing that urine purifier? I mean, the fact that there was ONE successful test was a big enough deal to make headlines. So that means every other test, beforehand, was a failure. So imagine spending all day drinking glasses of processed "pee-water," just hoping that it's pure enough, only find out again and again, that it's NOT. **Vomits**
WANTED: "Pee Drinker" - Employee will test a very crucial urine purifying device. Perks: Holidays time and a half and you can tell chicks you work for NASA.
Someone needs to call Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs.
Martial-arts expert, world-class runner, and thespian extraordinaire, Steven Seagal is currently in production on a reality show for A&E.
Now, let's approach the story's elaboration a bit differently. I'm going to pretend to tell you a joke by pitching a ridiculous premise, and you conversely, will either laugh or just snidely think that I took the joke too far. Ready?...Okay:
So here's the pitch: We take Steven Seagal and put him right smack-dab in the middle of post-Katrina New Orleans. THEN we make him a fully-commissioned deputy for the NOPD, where the cameras will follow him around as he fights crime in real life. lulz reins supreme! SNL might actually have an idea for a funny sketch (seeing as Lorne Michaels hates him.) Well, I really must break it to you that the above pitch is FOR REAL.
Yup, this is not a joke. Remember that episode of The Simpsons where they had the "spinoffs" parody and Principal Skinner left Springfield to fight crime as a P.I. in New Orleans alongside Chief Wiggum? THAT sounds less ridiculous than this.
The show will be entitled Steven Seagal: Lawman, and is indeed taping at present. The show is scheduled to premiere late in 2009. Frankly, I don't see how you can NOT tune in to see this.
In a move that is either a sly marketing strategy, or penance for years of countless on-stage, diva-like bailouts, Guns N' Roses (well, really Axl Rose) has debuted the 14-year in the making album, Chinese Democracy a few days before its Best-Buy exclusive November 23 release date, fully streaming it on the band's MySpace page.
So head on over there and give it a listen. The reviews have overall been, while not terrible, lukewarm. I suppose it's only natural that expectations will kill you when you wait 17 years for a follow-up album and spend 14 of those years hyping said project.
What's fascinating here, is the way that Chinese Democracy has been marketed. While fans are certainly not expecting "Appetite 2," it's reasonable to assume that its release would be a big deal. It may be a tribute to the fact that the record company felt that it was not profitable to sell this album as a physical copy in ALL stores that truly cements the beginning of the end of an era where people go to the store to buy some physical form of music. Its exclusive release with Best Buy almost seems like a rare bonus, or an exception to the norm (which would be purchasing the download of the album.)
With huge artists like Nine Inch Nails and Prince (just to name a few) experimenting with releasing albums exclusively online, the fact that you can't walk into your local Wal-Mart and buy a copy of the first new Guns N' Roses album in 17 years, is a huge statement to how the music industry is attempting to adapt to the changing world. If Chinese Democracy had hit just 10 years ago, it would have been hugely hyped on television, with aisle displays in every store across the country, and even huge online hype. Now, it seems we have the "grassroots" strategy of selling music in a time when purchasing it seems to have lost its directness.
Ever heard of an alert stoner--one that radiates genius wit and exceptional memory recall?
If there are truths to stereotypes, then generally the answer would be a resounding NO. We do know, however, that research suggests marijuana could prevent Alzheimer's disease, amongst many other illnesses.
Ohio State University psychologists Yannick Marchalant and Gary Wenk previously showed that memory formation in rats can be improved with the appropriate dosage of marijuana. Their latest research will be presented at the annual meeting of the Society for Neuroscience.
They are looking to prevent the inflammation-induced impairment of memory seen in normal and pathological aging. Thus, marijuana could play a vital role in prevention of age-related neurodegeneration.
Dr. Marchalant says benefits from marijuana use wouldn't be garnered by those whose brains have already begun to deteriorate or brains that are still forming. Rather, for adults seeking dementia prevention.
It's official: People magazine thinks that the ladies (and some blokes) are hot for long, hard...adamantium. The publication has added Wolverine himself, Hugh Jackman to its distinctive group of studs as being "The Sexiest Man Alive."
The article itself is pure, pointless piffle, something about his "life," "family," some Oscar-formuated vehicle with Nicole Kidman called Australia, and a bunch of crap no one cares about. However, this helps cement Jackman's status as "huge Hollywood heartthob" which means all the more that on May 1, 2009, X-Men Origins: Wolverine may be an even HUGER hit than we thought. (And who knows? You may see some hot chicks in the theater.)