Kevin Smith’s panel is a comic-con tradition. The outspoken, hysterical director of Clerks and Zack and Miri Make a Porno loves to mix it up with fans, even if it means starting verbal fights and cursing a blue-streak. His panels are raucous and hysterical, so Comic-Con uses him to close the show, basically, putting him in the final panel slot on Saturday night--the perfect time for Kevin Smith!  Sadly, I wasn’t able to live-blog the panel (tech. issues) but here’s a late run-down of what went down. Sorry it’s not as-it-happens!

First off, Kevin Smith doesn’t bring a video clip of anything he’s working on. He says he didn’t bring a clip to Comic-Con 2009 because it’s a jinx. Too many of his movies have gotten great reaction at the Con, and then tanked at the box office. He basically says he’s less cocky than he used to be, and he’s waiting for the Comic-Con when they tell him he’s not allowed to be in the big hall because he doesn’t draw enough.

The first fan question is from a dude who looks like Silent Bob. Faux Bob asks whether Smith would want to produce a movie for Scott Mosier, who produced Smith’s movies. Kevin says Scott has written an action movie and Kevin says he’s the wrong producer for the job, but on another movie, he’d love to do. He says Mosier’s movie is so ambitious; he’d rather stay home and play NHL 09 on Xbox.

Next fan asks whether we’ll see more Lesbian, Gay and Bi characters in future Kevin Smith movies. Kevin answers: "What about Dogma? We learned Jay thinks about dudes when he masturbates, that’s close." But in the future, Kevin says, “I don’t know. I’d like to make a hockey movie. There has to be some gay people in hockey.” Kevin goes on to say he doesn’t write well for gay characters because he’s “at best, bi-curious” he could, however, write for lesbians.

Kevin mentions Twilight, and the crowd boos. Smith stops them and points out (rightly) that Twilight fans are the future, and you shouldn’t boo them. “That’s what I love about a comic book convention. You have one guy wearing a Spock costume and he sees a guy in a Chewie costume and says 'look at that f*ckin geek!' How dare you pass judgement on those 12 year old girls who like vampires? In 6 years they’ll be 18 year old girls who like vampires.” Kevin Smith says he passionately hopes that Twilight star Rob Pattinson is “f*cking up a storm… not the 12-year-old Twilight fans, but their mothers!”

A fan asks about the next Smith movie’s title: A Couple of Dicks. After the way some people wouldn’t show ads for Zack and Miri Make a Porno, will he change the title? Smith says the title refers to a couple of detectives, but the title might not hold. Smith blames Janet Jackson’s t*t. “That boob haunts me,” he says.

A fan asks about The Green Hornet, and what Kevin Smith has to say about it. Smith says “we’re taking the script for the movie that I wrote that will never get made and making it into a comic book, so you’ll see exactly how bad the Green Hornet movie I wrote would have been.”

A fan asks if Smith is going to do something new in A Couple of Dicks. “Yes, I’m going to re-invent comedy,” Smith jokes, before explaining that it will look better than any movie he’s ever made before. And that directing Bruce Willis in a movie is like watching Bruce Willis movies all day, because he spends all day looking at a monitor.

A fan asks who Kevin Smith would want to fight on Celebrity Boxing. Smith says he doesn’t want to fight anyone. “At the end of the day, even the people I have hardcore grudges against, I know they could kick my ass.”

A fan asks how he, or someone in the audience could be in a Kevin Smith movie. Kevin says he posts extra notices on his website, so it’s not that hard to get in the background of one of his flicks.

A fan thanks Kevin for making him laugh, and asks when he realized he was the prince of geeks. Kevin says geeks bite the heads off chickens. He says he’s pretty geeky, but not the prince of geeks.

The next fan comes up looking all hard, and Kevin talks Twilight again, saying that he has a kid, and that’s why he respects the power of Twilight. He says it’s "like porn for children."

A fan asks about the movie based on the toy ViewMaster, as a way of asking about how all movies have to be based on other things. Smith jokes that he’s working on a Hungry Hungry Hippos movie.

A fan asks whether a new Smith stoner comedy is coming. He says “All the time when I was making stoner comedies, I didn’t smoke, and now I do smoke, and I don’t make stoner movies.”

A fan asks whether Kevin Smith ever wanted to put Nick Cage in a movie. Kevin says “I never thought about putting Nick Cage in anything, because by the time I started making movies Nick Cage was very famous.”

A fan asks where Smith came up with the “Dutch Rudder” (look it up!) but Smith says he didn’t come up with it.

A fan asks about Red State, and Ranger Danger and the Danger Rangers (two movies Smith has mentioned in the past.) Smith says, basically, he’d still like to make them, but he hasn’t been able to yet.

A fan asks why the writers on Entourage seem to hate Kevin Smith so much. He says he once called Entourage’s writer Kevin Weiss “Vanilla Weiss” and that might be why.  Kevin also says they’ve made jokes about him eating cupcakes a lot, but that’s accurate. He does love cupcakes.

A fan asks if Kevin Smith could make any movie at all, what would he make. Kevin says, basically, he already makes the movies he wants to make. “Each time out, I made the dream movie. I just didn’t dream very big because I’m from New Jersey.”

A pair of (male) twins ask Kevin if he could be Elizabeth Banks for a day, what would you do? Kevin says, “I’d spend all day looking at my p*ssy. Then I’d take a bunch of pictures of it and put the pictures on the internet.”

Another fan asks Kevin if he’s ever written a scene that’s so tasteless he couldn’t put it in a movie. “No,” Kevin says, “I have a good barometer... If it’s okay for me, I figure it’s okay for the audience.”

A fan hopes that Kevin Smith is still planning on writing his own movies (he didn’t write A Couple of Dicks.) Smith says this was the buddy cop movie he would have written if he had written a buddy cop movie.

The last question of the night: A fan wants Kevin to write “F*ck Twilight” on a poster. Kevin says he won’t mean it, but he’ll write it.

And so ends Kevin Smith’s panel at Comic-Con 2009, truly the highlight of the panels in terms of sheer curse words and comedy!