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Funniest Xmas Songs Of All Time
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Funniest Xmas Songs Of All Time

By - Posted Nov 08, 2005

The holiday season tends to inspire kindness, love, gift giving, and really stupid Christmas songs from people who have no business recording Christmas songs. What other holiday could possess Insane Clown Posse to record an EP full of Santa-bashing tunes, hair metal kings L.A. Guns to lay down “Run Run Rudolph,” and not one, not two, but three albums of noodling guitar-strumental versions of holiday classics? I mean, have you heard Suge Knight’s Death Row Christmas, for crying out loud? That shiznit is hil-iz-arious!

Below are choice Christmas lyrics by the likes of Spinal Tap, Run-DMC, King Diamond and Snoop Dogg. Plus, here is a list of some of the funniest Christmas songs out there in the world of rock, rap, metal, R&B and, oh, so much more. Enjoy the merry madness!

Christmas albumParty 4 Da Homies - Sean Barney Thomas
Christmas Rappin’ - Kurtis Blow
Dana Dane Is Coming To Town - Dana Dane
A Surf M.C. New Year - Surf M.C.'s
He's Santa Claus - Disco 4
Christmas In The City - King Sun-D Moet
Ghetto Santa - Spyder-D
Deck My Balls – Afroman
Violent Night – Afroman
Death to the World – Afroman
Christmas With The Martians - Dwight Twilley
I'll Be a Homo for Christmas - Venus Envy
I Hate the Holidays - Venus Envy
12 Gays of Christmas - Venus Envy
Santa's A Fat B*tch – Insane Clown Posse
Red Christmas – Insane Clown Posse
Another Rock & Roll Christmas - Paul Di'Anno
Silent Night (Rocks) - Paul Di'Anno
Naughty Naughty Xmas - Danger Danger
Silent Night - Taime Downe
Everyday Should Be Like Christmas - Bullet Boys
Cantique de Noel (O' Holy Night) - Richie Sambora
White Christmas - Zakk Wylde
Deck The Halls - Ted Nugent
Santa Claus and His Old Lady - Cheech & Chong
F**k Xmas - Fear
I Wanna Die For Xmas - the Streetwalkin’ Cheetahs
Christmas in July - Black Widows
The 12 Lays of Christmas - Blowfly
Black Christmas - Blowfly
Silver Balls – Blowfly
Christmas at Ground Zero - Weird Al Yankovic
I Wish - Tha Dogg Pound
Be Thankful - Nate Dogg

Check out these choice lyrics to some of the sillier Santa-themed songs we could find.

Christmas albumSpinal Tap
“Christmas with the Devil”

The elves are dressed in leather
And the angels are in chains
(Christmas with the Devil)

The sugar plums are rancid
And the stockings are in flames
(Christmas with the Devil)

There's a demon in my belly
And a gremlin in my brain
There's someone up the chimney hole
And Satan is his name

The rats ate all the presents
And the reindeer ran away
(Christmas with the Devil)

There'll be no Father Christmas
'Cause it's Evils holiday
(Christmas with the Devil)

No bells in Hell
No snow below-
Silent Night, Violent Night

So come all ye unfaithful
Don't be left out in the cold
You don't need no invitation, no
Your ticket is your soul

Run-DMC
“Christmas In Hollis”

It was December 24th on Hollis Ave after dark
When I see a man chilling with his dog in the park
I approached very slowly with my heart full of fear
Looked at his dog, oh my God, an illin' reindeer
But then I was illin' because the man had a beard
And a bag full of goodies, 12 o'clock had neared
So I turned my head a second and the man had gone
But he must have dropped his wallet smack down on the lawn
I picket the wallet up then I took a pause
Took out the license and it cold said "Santa Claus"
A million dollars in it, cold hundreds of G's
Enough to buy a boat and matching car with ease
But I'd never steal from Santa, cause that ain't right
So I was going home to mail it back to him that night
But when I got home I bugged, cause under the tree
Was a letter from Santa and the dough's for me

It's Christmas time in Hollis Queens
Mom's cooking chicken and collard greens
Rice and stuffing, macaroni and cheese
And Santa put gifts under Christmas trees
Decorate the house with lights at night
Snow's on the ground, snow white so bright
In the fireplace is the yule log
Beneath the mistle toe as we drink eggnog
The rhymes that you hear are the rhymes of Darryl's
But each and every year we bust Chrsitmas carols
(Christmas melodies)

Rhymes so loud and proud you hear it
It's Christmas time and we got the spirit
Jack Frost chillin, the orchids out
And that's what Christmas is all about
The time is now, the place is here
And the whole wide world is filled with cheer

My name's D.M.C. with the mic in my hand
And I'm chilling and coolin' just like a snowman
So open your eyes, lend us an ear
We want to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

King Diamond
Christmas king diamond“Christmas”

"Come they told me
A newborn King to see
Our finest gifts we bring
To lay before the King...Oh when we come"

It's Christmas again.. it will never be the same
It's Christmas again, I know
There's only sadness in my soul

It's Christmas again...It'll never be the same

And as the snow is falling from the sky
All I wanna do is cry
I got to get away from here
I gotta get away

By tomorrow, I will be gone
By tomorrow, I'll see the sun again
But tonight...I am...The Little Drummer boy

Tonight...I am...the one who will destroy

The secrets never told before
Of those who lost their souls
There are sad things in the Darkness
There are sad things all around us

It's Christmas again... it will never be the same
It's Christmas again, I know
There's only sadness in my soul

It's Christmas again... It'll never be the same

"Come they told me
A newborn King to see
Our finest gifts we bring
To lay before the King..."
Now here I go
I'm falling on my face, drum breaking on the stage
Oh My God it's such a big disgrace

It's Christmas again.. it will never be the same
It's Christmas again, I know
There's only sadness in my soul

Snoop DoggSnoop Dogg
“Santa Claus Goes Straight To The Ghetto”

(Sorry, there’s a few lines we just couldn’t decipher)

I got the black senator (Ho, ho, ho)
I want a Super Nintendo (Merry Christmas)
Yeah, yeah, Street Fighter 2, all these games

It's 12.30 AM, Christmas Eve
I'm out with the gangstas and thieves
Celebratin', postin' up with eggnog it'll fill my cup
All the most little gangbangin' and causin'
Not about but be careful for the heart,
because it's posin'
Some stay to day that Christmas ain't nothing but another day
But, out of respect for God,
give the Lord his day
Tell me, tell me,
where do the homies and bumps have to sleep (Nowhere)
Where do hungry and needy-greedy's got to eat
(But who cares?)
Life is so, usually cold
That's fourth for the children
In this world their hopes and dreams can't afford
(?), these little things
Heard throughout the ghetto which has gangstas and dope-fiends,
huh
Cause those who ain't able get it and I could finally get it
Just the ghetto Santa Claus sprinkled hood
and now we ballin', livin' to a new year
A better thang, celebrate with some Champagne, ha ha
Check it

Santa Claus, is coming straight to the ghetto

Now on the first day of Christmas my homeboy gave to me
A sack of the crazy blue-a-tone and smoke it up, floss it up
Now on the second day of Christmas my homeboy gave to me
A bit of hendog to probably take my mind off that weed
Now by the third day of Christmas my big homeboy gave to me
A whole lot off everything, but it was not a gang to me

Bad, can you walk up to the sound
I saw mama kissin' Santa
Made you remanis on the old fashion Christmas
They did miss a fat man jolly with joy
Down ya chimney with toys,
for little girls and boys
Pumped up, I jumped up ???
And hope to get Santa Claus creepin' down my hall
Got to the window, put my eyes to the sky to see 'em bye,
to see the sleigh that parley and push a fat guy
I see no sign with everything under this three
And my house is mine, my bike that in ???
And do right, to let year come
I try to see the same thing
They got us brain washed up
And when you find, it ain't no Santa,
Christmas still mean allot
 
Cause it's the time they get together and give all you got
You got fooled, gun loose and what's better then together
Which has people, when wishin' give a toast by the three
It's merry Christmas

Santa Clause on the senator
Jack Frost chillin'
Pitch the grich, from being a holiday villain
Season's greetings, all the proceedings
Are brought to your body, churcize we wont be eatin'
Chestnuts most sent on the open fire
Singin' my jingle, where is Chris Sprinkle
I didn't pop, nah me, Michelle
I even stayed in the house,
when the homies tried to sneak me out
And all I want for Christmas is my six-fo' Chevrolet
And the granddaughter for her grandmother Beverly
Ain't that somethin' (Nah, nah)
Ain't that nothing
How it's Christmas time and my rhyme's steady bumpin'
Everybody happy, hair's still nappy
Gonna steal a gift for my old granddaddy
Catch me giving up turkeys at the church-house
Don't try to work me,
just stay in the line and everything gon be fine
Holla at ya folks, boy's goin', stay in
Ain't no helps from no L,
just Tha Dogg Pound gang
And we, passin' out gifts, blazin' off clips
Christmas on the Row, can you dig it (can you dig it)

Quick to see, by release
Clearin' six with the heat
Girls and boys full off joy
With the season cheeks
Smell the sky, hell a pie
With cakes gettin' baked
To be ate after everything gone off your plate
But wait, not tonight it's straight beans and rice
On the table, are we able to proceed the nice
I wonder what the morning's bringin'
So it's hard to doze off
Three 'o clock in my socks I crack the dope song
Hopin' when I open the do', I'll see Santa,
Now who the hell is this in this blue bandana
Messin' with the boxes, hand them under the three
Look like Santa Clause bein' crossin' to a woman to me
Now I'm commin' to see, the whole picture gettin' clearer
How we have met a ???
Mirror, mirror, please, it's seemed I've be deceased
And thank the same trick, but the gifts I receive
So I creep back, and act like I ain't even peep it
Just to be me and mom's proudest secret

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